A New Life? Unlikely.

So I'm currently juggling moving to a new apartment with my job search, which sounds hellish. However, I'm only somewhat busier. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on you view) the dozens of resume I sent out last week have not garnered many responses. Aside from the interview earlier this week, I have only one more scheduled, at an art gallery, next week. I was told to allow an hour and a half for the the interview process, which includes a writing test. A writing test? You're joking right? I already wrote you a nice eloquent cover letter, and I have several writing samples from press releases to academic research papers. Apparently that's not good enough, and I have to write something especially for the gallery. This sounds suspiciously familiar to my current project...

The interview at the market research firm went quite well. I definitely think I'm getting the hang of interviewing. This firm conducts research for a variety of high-profile clients, from prominent politicians, to prestigious publications. The position for which I interviewed was in magazine cover research, taking sample covers from a magazine, and setting up surveys to determine which is best and why. Pretty cool stuff actually. However, before I get to interview with the director, I have to write a report on some data from a sample survey. I was handed about 75 pages filled from top to bottom with columns of data, taken from a fast food survey about "Brand X", though it take about 30 seconds to figure out who Brand X is. Now, I'm working on this report, which is a huge pain in the ass considering all this is just part of the interview process. I'm not sure if they are just trying to weed out the people who wouldn't even bother with the numbers, or if they are legitimately expecting a conclusive report. Bear in mind I've never written one of these, and it's terribly dense stuff. Then I got to thinking that these places are just listing fictitious jobs, and getting applicants to unwittingly work for no pay. If I ever found out this was the case, these places might find some rotting fish in their ventilation systems a few months from now. But if they are just trying to scare me away with this report, it ain't gon' work, 'cause I ain't skeered o' nuffin.

Another Approach

I just got back from an interview at a recruiting agency. I'm not sure why, but I was incredibly wary going into the interview. Recruiters have a bad reputation, although I don't understand the reasoning behind this. My best guess is that many "staffing agencies" just provide temps for big corporations, with no possibilities for career advancement. This agency seems like more of the headhunter variety of recruiter, which is better. I interviewed with two people, neither of whom will actually be making the hiring decision, because they are just client representatives. Then I took a computer exam which tested my skills in MS Office, except it was really bad software which only allows things to be done one way, and marks you wrong if you do it differently. [e.g. it asked me to save the document, and I hit Ctrl+s, which was wrong, the program demanded you use the File menu.] Needless to say, my performance came out average because I didn't do everything the way the computer expected.

One strange, and slightly unnerving question I was asked was, "Are you comfortable working for a woman?" Granted, the corporate world is old-fashioned, but I found this question offensive. Call me a Gen Y-er, but I just don't think it was an appropriate question. What if they asked, "Are you comfortable working for an African-American?" That would be completely un-PC, so how is the original question any different? Are they asking if I'm sexist? I assume any Equal Opportunity Employer would be expecting all of their workers to be equal opportunity employees. After an awkward pause, I mentioned that I worked under a woman for both of my recent internships. In fact, I think my being male probably reduces my chances of being hired by woman. Women might feel obligated to support their gender by hiring another woman, or there they might anticipate awkwardness if they aren't accustomed to being dominant in relationships with men. Personally, I wouldn't have given it any consideration, but I suppose its comparable to when you spot a couple with a man who is shorter than his girlfriend. Although nobody would ever object to the relationship (like they might an interracial relationship,) it does violate social norms, and can create a distinctly uncomfortable dynamic for others. What do you think?

UPDATE: Chalk up another tick mark on the expanding list of diverse occupations for which I have been considered. Tuesday's interview is at a market research firm. I never thought I would be applying for a job with "Analyst" in the title. Or "Junior" for that matter... But desperation calls for unorthodoxy.

Models Are Stupid

Today was the interview at the talent management agency, which for the most part, was brief and uneventful. I was irritated by the fact that my wait to see the interviewer lasted far longer than the interview itself. My interview was scheduled for 4:00, so I showed up at 3:45, the standard 15 minutes early to show promptness and eagerness... At 4:30, I'm finally seen. The interviewer asked me approximately 2 questions, which could easily have been answered by my résumé,described the business to me in a few sentences, and then sends me on my way. He told me that everything he really needed to know was on the résumé, which of course negates the purpose of interviewing. So this whole outing would have been a complete waste of time, were it not for a hilarious scene that occurred during my wait.

I was sitting in the entryway of the office, glancing at a magazine that probably features one or several of the models managed by the agency, when a woman walks by on her way to the door. I assumed she was a model for the following reasons... She looked like a model [tall and gorgeous], she was wearing designer-type clothing, and we were in a modeling agency. The other possibility was that she worked there, but the following incident makes this very unlikely. As she crosses in front of me, and reaches the doorway, she walks full force into the door. Now this was door was not completely glass; it was a wooden door with a large glass panel, which she nearly shattered. She then turns to look at me (as I was the only person who saw this happen) and in an effort to defend her incredibly embarrassing encounter with an inanimate object, she says, "I didn't see that door there, did you?" She then hurried out before I had time to respond, leaving me with a polite smile, and a just-missed opportunity for the quip of a lifetime. [And yes, I saw the door.]

So I have no clue as to what, if anything, will come of this interview. They're just looking for an office bitch to answer phones, but there's definitely opportunity for growth. I didn't really have a chance to make much of an impression, so I made sure to send an intelligent and eager follow-up email. [Though I decided not to mention the model who smashed her face into their door, as it would likely have been perceived as an insult to their clientele.]

Mythical Male Intuition

So when I said I nailed that stage manager interview, I may have been donning my rosy specs. What I should have said would be the following:

I mistakenly interpreted the successful brandishing of my creative flair as a sign that I was performing well during the interview. In fact, I was only increasing any irony that was already building when I presented myself as the perfect candidate for a job that I had no chance at landing. As previous evidence indicates, the world exists to make me suffer, thus any apparent success in interviewing is simply a tension-building pseudo-literary device to make my biography that much more laughable. I am a walking hyperbole, a modern-day harlequin.

End of Writing lesson. The moral of the story: no job for me [but at least they called...]

What have I learned from this experience? Primarily, my intuition blows. Subsequently, I am delusional. Let's explore this issue of intuition further. Going back to previous social situations, I recall my hypothesis for the limitations of [male?] intuition, myself included. As with many people, when it comes to judging relationship dynamics of third parties, I am pretty good. However, when I am one of the involved parties in a perceived dynamic, my intuition blows. I can cite many instances supporting this hypothesis, but for brevity's sake, let's just say I'm convinced.

What's next? I have an interview next week at a talent management agency. [Chalk up another tick mark on the expanding list of diverse occupations for which I have been considered.] When they first called me, they asked a few introductory questions to get an idea of my interest in the position. I made a terrible first impression, as I failed to remember which job (out of the dozens for which I had applied) we were speaking about. So I hung up after being told that they would get back to me about an interview, which I interpreted as, "We won't be getting back to you." Yet, in support of my hypothesis, my intuition in situations including me is infinitely fallible. They called back 30 seconds later to schedule an interview, leaving me befuddled as to what could have possible occurred during those 30 seconds, that could have determined whether or not they wanted to have me come in, and what had made them reach the decision to call me back. Now, my intuition tells me that anybody who wittingly chooses to work on behalf of the most psychotic people on earth [actors and models,] must be completely deranged themselves. Seeing as this is a third party intuitive judgment, I must be right, and needless to say, I would fit right in.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum. Care to challenge?

UPDATE: The law firm and the art gallery also declined my generous offer to work.