Get 'Em High

Total pop culture overload last night. Spent the entirety of the night in Times Square. The majority of the time was spent waiting, and the remaining time was spent being entertained. I got tickets to Comedy Central presents and saw Kyle Dunnigan and Deon Cole perform. Watch for me when the Kyle Dunnigan episode airs, I was in the front row and a camera was constantly hovering around. Apparently I'm just that sexy.

I also went to the Kanye West show which was supposed to start at 9 PM, and didn't acutally start until 10:30 PM. It turned out to be a pretty sweet show and featured appearances by Common, John Legend, and Pharrell Williams, who spent much of his time on stage humping the air in demonstration of his unsurpassable bedroom skillz. In between songs, Kanye alternated between wringing out liters of sweat from his shirt and quoting "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy". I recall him saying, "It's anchorman, not anchorlady" and "I'm Ron Burgundy?" ...at a hip-hop show. Yep, he's a revolutionary all right; a forward-thinker... brought to you by American Express.

Celebrity sighting of the night: Venus Williams at the concert. Apparently, she dropped out of the U.S. Open just so she could come see the show: http://www.usopen.org/en_US/news/articles/2006-08-25/200608251156542595234.html Maybe.

The Aforementioned Inequities

Now that I've gotten the adulation of hot girls over with, let's move on to how socializing unfairly favors them. I mentioned how grateful I am that hot girls can get me into bars or clubs. Now I accept this ridiculous procedure, but I really don't understand it. What's the economic principle behind this practice? If it's based on the assumption that men are going to be exchanging the most currency, then perhaps keeping the place full of attractive women achieves the goal of maintain a healthy stock of targets. But then this assumption belies other assumptions... Namely, that all the men going out are single, heterosexual, and willing to buy $10 drinks for strangers.

Of course, this means these establishments must let some men in initially, but they need to screen them for their financial status. Aside from their dress, fame, or tips, it seems like a tough call considering the vast majority of guys dress alike, are not well-known, and expect a fiver will results in doors magically opening. So I'm going to fight the system. I'll deploy a few hot girls to get me in the door, and once inside, I will encourage girls to buy ME drinks using this strategy:

http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/03_Approaching/01_Approaches/buydrink.shtml

Not because I'm trying to pick girls up, but just because I want to stick it to the man. And a beer shouldn't cost me $8.

Praised Be Hot Girls

I just wanted to say thanks to all the hot girls out there. I know we've had our disagreements in the past... I may have said some terrible things, and I won't dredge up any bad memories by repeating them, but I want you to know that they didn't reflect my true feelings. You rock.

When people ask what my "type" is when it comes to girls? Hot. What do I look for in girls? Hotness. Describe my ideal woman? A balanced hotfest.

First and foremost, you're fun to look at. Thanks for that. I'm all about fun. Hot girls might not always be fun, but they're always fun to look at. No need to worry, though. I don't stare.

Also, thanks for talking to me when I'm drunk. For some reason when I'm tipsy, I suddenly get the notion that I'm a pimp, that I'm devastatingly attractive, and that women dig me. I may consciously blather about incoherent nonsense, but you humor me, and don't tell on me.

Next, thanks for getting me in to places I'd otherwise have to wait in line for. I may not look like much to the dude manning the velvet rope, and he's gonna send me to the back of the line regardless of the caliber of any male compatriots I may have with me. But if I have a hot girl on either side, even if our relationships are purely professional, I get in. and get to look at all the other hot girls that got in because they are hot, and they are girls. And the hot guys who got in only because they were accompanied by hot girls. [This actually really pisses me off, and I'll probably post about the inequities of going out, but it's all good with the hot girls.]

Actually, thanks in general for making me look better. There is no single better accessory than a hot girl. Forget the designer clothes, the trendy haircut, and the sense of humor... just grab yourself a hot girl, and you're set.

I know I will likely have an experience in the near future, which will again have me saying nasty things about you, but please don't take them the wrong way. You might think we have a love/hate relationship, but it's really just a love you/hate myself relationship. I'm my own best psychotherapist.

You might think me shallow for devoting so many words to looks alone, and although you'd be wrong, if you're a hot girl, everyone is going to agree with you anyway, so I won't bother arguing.