You Ain't Got No Alibi

I decided that I’m going to search for the new contemporary aesthetic. This whole steel and glass thing is getting a little tiresome. Every bar you go into now has the frosted glass with the colored lighting, the clean lines and brushed stainless steel accents. It’s getting quite ridiculous. The idea is about 50 years old for crying out loud, though granted it only became an interior style in the last decade. The bottom line is that I’m ready for something new. I see a possible rebellion, favoring to a more organic style [but not a Gehry-esque fusion of the two.]

As a culture, we’ve pretty much exhausted retro styles from the last century. It’s actually pretty scary that I was alive during a decade that has already had a retro phase. It seems like each decade was cool for a couple of months. So it’s time to evolve. And if nobody else is gonna step it up, well I might just have to start pushing things along. [Step 1] I will start by unabashedly announcing if something is ugly. Buildings, furniture, art, animals, people… even holy ones who could cause me eternal damnation like the pope. Nothing will be spared. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Please understand that I mean this classification not as an insult, but simply as a step towards compiling an archive of things my new style should not reflect. I will inevitably find myself face-to-face with my reflection, and reflexively shout, “Ugly!” This will most likely further hinder my chances of becoming a socially appreciated individual, but sometimes you gotta take one for the team. I will announce Step 2 shortly, but for now I’m concentrating my efforts on Step 1.

If you need any assistance in determining whether or not something is ugly, just send me a picture, and I will post it along with my judgment call. All submissions deemed “ugly” will be catalogued for future reference. If are interested in participating in the creation of a new, de-uglified contemporary aesthetic, consider a tax-deductible donation to my cause. All views expressed in future classifications of ugliness are solely mine, and do not necessarily reflect societal norms and/or basic common sense.