The Passion of the Jaggd

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my job situation, and honestly, I have no good reasons to be at all dissatisfied, and yet…

So I've been here for a little over three months, which as far as real world jobs go, is nothing. However, every other full-time job I've had has only lasted three months, because they’ve all been summer jobs/internships. It's as if my mind expects me to pack up and move on to the next thing. Of course, my stomach says, "If you become poor again and stop eating well, so help me, we're through!" My heart really isn't in this job, so it would probably be happier elsewhere. And my spleen really couldn’t care less about any of this.

I have a mental list of pros and cons with regards to my job. I wasn't surprised to discover that there are a hell of a lot more pros than cons… flexible hours, casual work environment, intelligent co-workers, a salary on which I can live comfortably in NYC, lots of little perks… etc. Then there's this huge con: I don't really care about what I do. There, I said it.

Now, I'm not going to go on some 2000 word rant about how people who are in the business of making money are evil, and I really want to work for a non-profit. I don't believe that. There are plenty of evil people in the non-profit sector, but they're generally not capitalist evil, they're other kinds of evil… and the hedge fund manager I [indirectly] work for (who probably pulls in a few hundred million a year) is a brilliant, admirable guy, who is privately funding some remarkably altruistic projects. Plus, I've already worked for a few non-profit organizations, and I didn't feel especially good about what I did for them either.

I've reached a few possible conclusions:

1. I have simply never had a job which has engaged my passions. While this allows for the possibility that such a job exists, I'm quite skeptical. Regardless, there is hope that I could potentially find satisfaction with my employment.



2. I am not a "job" person. I will never be fulfilled by what I do in the workplace, so I will have to use my spare time to engage my passions, and trudge thorough the days at the office in order to pay the bills.



3. I am a self-indulgent overthinker, and I should be thankful that I've had the kind of opportunities that are probably not available to 75% of the population of this country. Most people have passions, but it seems like very few are fortunate enough to be able to devote their days to them.
   

All this thinking hasn't resulted in any epiphanies, nor do I expect one to arrive. So don't worry about me taking any brash action or making stupid decisions because I had a vision of Siddhartha in my chicken soup, telling me to rid myself of worldly attachments. Sid and Lao, I love you dudes, but you never lived in NYC.

And if you don't know much about Siddhartha or Laozi, I would recommend reading about them. Though in all likelihood they never existed, their purported existence has inspired some beautiful ideas about humanity and spirituality.