The Search (探求)

Just Plugging a Business with which I May or May Not Be Associated

2008-06-19T12:25:00.002-04:00

These are the coolest designs I've ever seen! They blow my mind, tickle my fancy, float my boat, and rub lotion on my skin. Please sir, may I have another!

http://www.2and20apparel.com

Everything You'd Ever Want to Know About Hedge Funds (or "How I Pay the Bills")

2007-05-01T17:54:00.000-04:00

http://nymag.com/news/features/hedgefunds/

Visual Feedback

2006-12-11T16:32:00.000-05:00

I finally got around to uploading some pictures to Flickr.

Costa Rica set

I was going to post a set from the Rubik's Cube Party only to be foiled by Flickr. Flickr yells at me, "No! You aren't paying us, so you only get to have 200 pictures here." I was shocked, disappointed, and deeply hurt. Flickr was supposed to be the Google to my Yahoo [and yes, I know Flickr got bought up by Yahoo.] The Gmail to my Hotmail. The Blogger to my Live Journal. It was supposed to be the service the blew away the competition and didn't ask anything in return. With a rude awakening, I find that's no longer the case. Flickr wants something in return.

Okay, Flickr. You win. Here you go. A big payment in the form of my middle finger. Howdya like them apples? sigh... I guess I'll just have to wait until Google releases their own image hosting site. Until then, I'll look for an alternative. And don't you dare suggest SnapFish or EasyShare.

UPDATE 4/16/07: What do you know? Picasa has merged with Google and has a decent service now. I tried Picasa in its pre-Google infancy, and while it was a decent program, it didn't impress me enough to use it again. When I signed up with Flickr, I was a happy camper... until the above happenned. Google/Picasa now offers 1 GB of free storage (or about 4000 pics) up from some negligible amount earlier. Compare that to Flickr's 200 pics. While Picasa's interface is not as slick or comprehensive as Flickr's, it's adequate. The amount of free storage and the fact that it's all connected to my Google Account have made me a convert. Bye Flickr...

Pop-(t)art

2006-12-06T10:21:00.000-05:00

So I was eating a pop-tart earlier this morning. I don't particularly like pop-tarts, but my company provides breakfast for the traders (in the form of cereal, granola bars, and pop-tarts,) and sometimes I'll raid their supply for a sugar dose when I start passing out at my desk in the afternoon. Now, in the cast of that imaginary, wholesome "complete breakfast" always mentioned towards the end of the cereal commercials I watched as a kid, pop-tarts must play a very minor role. They're not good for much beyond the 34 grams of sugar, but like most products at that end of the spectrum, they're specifically targeting kids. Of course, my mom wouldn't let me have much of anything of that sort when I was growing up... no sugary cereal, no soda (unless we were having pizza), a carefully rationed amount of dessert, and juice only after I'd had a glass of milk at meals (and then only 100% juice, no Hawaiian Punch or Hi-C for me.) So maybe this is a form of quiet rebellion. Although now my mom complains that I'm too skinny, so who's to blame for that? And I still got cavities as a kid, though the dentist blamed structural anomalies in my teeth, and not my diet or brushing habits, perhaps just to placate my mom.

I just realized all that rambling was completely off-topic to the post I'd intended to write. So anyway, I was eating a pop-tart earlier this morning, and I took a look at the package, which bears this logo:
I could not, for the life of me, understand why there was a goofy sketched figure emerging from the "o". Not only that , but a figure who appears to be in some sort of ecstatic altered state of mind. Is this an image of a child being born, emerging from the birth canal, pop-tart in hand, ready to conquer his childhood? Is this a sly reference to the closing of Looney Tunes where Poky Pig pops out of those concentric circles, arm raised, and says "That's all folks"? It could even be the image of a saint, who is experiencing the throes of spiritual ecstatsy acheived via a modern day toaster pastry, and is ascending to heaven, brandishing his holy relic. Hard to say really, giving how roughly-hewn the drawing is. In any case, the figure is clearly not in a normal state; he might be on acid, he might have severe mental disabilities. My best guess is that we're looking at the self-portrait of a child, drawn while eating a pop-tart, hence the sugar-fueled euphoria overdoese. A meta-self-portrait if you will, like an artist who paints a self-protrait of himself painting a self-portrait. Damn, this shit is deep.

But what kind of message does this end to kids, and their parents, for that matter? Apparently Kellog's encourages pumping kids up so full of sugar that they can no longer see straight. Instead of the picture, the package may as well come with a sugeron general's warning that reads, "CAUTION: consumption of this product may lead to epileptic seizures." These are the kids that are going to flunk art class unless they spark their creative vision with a hit of some illicit drug. What I'm trying to say, is that I have no idea what Kellog's intentions are with this addition to their logo, but it has absolutely no place on their product's packaging. Further, the dimtwit who spoke up during the weekly toaster pastry marketing meeting, displayed a picture his 4-year-old son drew, and suggested that they modify their product's logo to include the budding artist's rendition of a crack baby, ought to be flogged. And why did everyone else think this was a good idea? Honestly. They must have forgotten that they're supposed to wait 2-4 hours after sampling their prodcut to hold any meetings during which important decisions might be made.

And that, my friends, is how you write a blog post about absolutley nothing of importance or interest to anyone. The only thing it succeeds in doing, is wasting time at work. But it did so quite well, so I'm posting with pride.

Rubik's Cube Party

2006-11-29T13:41:00.000-05:00

The successor to the 'Stache Bash goes down this Saturday, 12/2. Here's what the invitation says:

A brief glimpse at American history...

1980 - The Rubik's Cube was conceived and released to the public
1981-1982 - [Many of] You and I were conceived and released to the public

These two events have drastically altered the course of human history. Whether they did so for the better or the worse is a matter for debate. But in either case, it is a cause for celebration, which is why I'm hosting the Rubik's Cube Party.

As you know, the Rubik's cube has six sides and six corresponding colors: BLUE, GREEN, RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, AND WHITE. Unless religous obligations mandate a monochromatic wardrobe, I expect you have some clothes in these colors. You should try to wear as many items of clothing in as many different colors as possible, in effort to vaguely mimic the appearance of one side of an unsolved Rubik's cube. Your goal will be to leave the party wearing only one of the aforementioned colors, thereby solving the puzzle. To achieve this goal, you will be expected to exchange items of clothing with other guests. As with a real Rubik's cube, this is a puzzle of strategy. Negotiations (often involving alcohol) are likely to take place, along with the inevitable underhanded tactics and coercion normally practiced only by the ballsiest politicians.

Preparation for this party is comprised of three steps, which is why I'm annoucing this so far in advance. STEP 1: Assemble your outfit. Good places to start are your (or your acquaitences') closet, the Salvation Army, vintage clothing stores, K-Mart, etc. STEP 2 [optional]: Label any items of clothing which you hope to get back with your name (and if you're feeling gutsy, your number.) I will faciliate with returning clothes to their rightful owners. STEP 3: Find yourself a Rubik's cube and practice every day for 2-3 hours. This step is crucial in ensuring your success.Donations in the form of beer, liquor, and friends are encouraged. Preferably fun people. I hope to surpass the 'Stache Bash in size, level of intoxication, and legendariness. If that's not a word, it should be.

Here's what the follow-up email I wrote today says:

Hey Cubers,

A couple things... just a reminder that the madness ensues this Saturday evening. If you plan on attending, please tell me so I know how much furniture needs to be removed from my apartment to accommodate everyone.

Also, it has come to my attention that this invite has been passed around like a spliff at a Phish concert. So please use discretion from now on when inviting other people. I love you guys, but if everyone brings the cousin of his best-friend's co-worker's ex-wife, there just ain't gonna be enough space. I had no idea people would be so into this whole Rubik's idea.

If, for some odd reason, you think you're above the wearing-random-colors-and-swapping-clothes thing, and you just plan on showing up for free booze and and eye candy, be prepared for heavy derision from the participating masses.

Finally, much like the Homeland Security threat level, I am raising the status from "Welcome" to "Strongly Encouraged" for donations in the form of drinks, food or $5, especially from the cousin of your best-friend's co-worker's ex-wife. See you in your colors on Saturday.

Rich Coast, I'm Toast

2006-11-03T13:39:00.000-05:00

A month since my last post. Bad jaggd. In my defense, I was in Costa Rica for 1/3 of that time, and I've been busy catching up at work since. I'll probably toss a few of the nicer pics up here just for archival purposes. I had a great time there, traveling from the city, to the volcano, to the rainforest, to the beach, and back again. Taking Spanish for 6 years definitely helped, although I only spoke as if I'd been studying it for 1 year. It's funny how time and studying another language will do that to you. And also interesting how one's brain can't integrate languages learned later in life, the same way that it can one's native tongue(s). If I feel up to it, I may also transcribe the entries from my journal, in which I wrote every other day or so on the trip. No promises, though. My 4-year-old-with-ADD-esque attention span has failed me in similar situations before.

Aside from that, I don't have any terribly interesting news to report. I'd rather do a bit of venting anyway. I'm 100% single now, which at first was just fantastic, but now my feelings on that are heavily influenced by my mood. And I'm placed in the awkward situation of having a shared group of friends with my ex-girlfriend. That's fine, I can be mature about it, or at least pretend to. But no matter what I tell other people, tell myself, tell her, I feel like the situation hasn't been entirely resolved. I just don't want things to get ugly. And I don't want to meet or know anything about her new boyfriend, unless it's that he sucks in every way compared to me. But she has good taste and judgement, so I don't expect that will be the case. I made a tactical error, though. I let my guard down as our relationship was disintegrating, and I got hurt. That was not supposed to happen. Lesson learned, I hope. Bitches and hos, man.

And you call yourself a man?

2006-10-02T12:41:00.000-04:00

Looks like I've still got a few things to take of before I graduate to man status...

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/9/19packman.html

Although I did kick Mechajaggd's ass all over downtown Tokyo. That pile of cybertronic junk has nothing on me. I pwned him ghetto-style. I'm from the steet, beotch.

Toons

2006-09-13T10:14:00.000-04:00

I can't get this song out of my head. I remember feeling emotionally wounded when they pulled the plug on this Saturday morning cartoon after only one season. Apparently dinosaurs were no longer the "in" thing for kids.

Fickle

2006-09-08T13:36:00.000-04:00

I seem to have settled in to a relatively stagnant state these days. I suppose I’ve achieved that sort of comfortable life I yearned for in the days when this blog began. But since when are we as humans ever happy?

The answer, as I vaguely recall from some psychology class, is for a few brief moments after we get what we desire. And the amount of time we achieve happiness is proportional to the magnitude of the desire met. A bit thirsty? Drink a glass of water, and you’ll experience a mild happiness for perhaps a few minutes. Jobless? Getting an offer should have you feeling great for a couple weeks. There was a study involving people who play the lottery. When asked about the happiness winning the lottery would bring them, people expected they would feel ecstatic, and that these positive feelings would linger for years. Of course, as it turns out, actual lottery winners experience joy for less than a month, not to mention all the negative effects, which they hadn’t even considered.

So although our general level of happiness does fluctuate in accordance with significant events in our lives, we always tend to return to some median state. Not only that, but this median state is influenced by genetics, such that some people are essentially pre-disposed to be happier than others. All of this is fairly intuitive when you stop to consider it logically, but since we forget about logic so much, people tend to have differing expectations. We expect our achievements to bring us lasting satisfaction. “If only I had ________, I’d be happy.” Fill in the blank with anything: something you can buy, something intangible perhaps, even your wildest fantasy… A soda, a car, a house, fame, love, a firmer ass. Ultimately, it will not bring you infinite happiness.

Such is the problem with endorphins and other nice hormones which make us feel good. Nothing we can do will make them stick around for very long. Of course, this is also why drugs are addictive, and why people make a hobby of jumping out of airplanes, and why everything is always about sex.

This is also why fairy tales exist… Because in our lives, there is no such thing as living happily ever after. You can marry Prince Charming, and live happily for a few months, but even assuming he does nothing wrong as a husband, the happiness will fade. Combine that with the realization that his feet smell and he doesn’t share your passion for Meg Ryan movies, and it’s no wonder so many marriages end in divorce.

On the other hand, suicide occurs very rarely, so there must be something keeping us here, right? So I’m sure my next post will cast things in a more hopeful light.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about me. I’m not a cynic, I am pretty happy, and I enjoy making other people feel good as well. This is just an unfortunate fact of life that is interesting to explore.

I guessed at some of the details of these purported scientific studies, but for all intents and purposes, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about.

Get 'Em High

2006-08-30T11:50:00.000-04:00

Total pop culture overload last night. Spent the entirety of the night in Times Square. The majority of the time was spent waiting, and the remaining time was spent being entertained. I got tickets to Comedy Central presents and saw Kyle Dunnigan and Deon Cole perform. Watch for me when the Kyle Dunnigan episode airs, I was in the front row and a camera was constantly hovering around. Apparently I'm just that sexy.

I also went to the Kanye West show which was supposed to start at 9 PM, and didn't acutally start until 10:30 PM. It turned out to be a pretty sweet show and featured appearances by Common, John Legend, and Pharrell Williams, who spent much of his time on stage humping the air in demonstration of his unsurpassable bedroom skillz. In between songs, Kanye alternated between wringing out liters of sweat from his shirt and quoting "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy". I recall him saying, "It's anchorman, not anchorlady" and "I'm Ron Burgundy?" ...at a hip-hop show. Yep, he's a revolutionary all right; a forward-thinker... brought to you by American Express.

Celebrity sighting of the night: Venus Williams at the concert. Apparently, she dropped out of the U.S. Open just so she could come see the show: http://www.usopen.org/en_US/news/articles/2006-08-25/200608251156542595234.html Maybe.

The Aforementioned Inequities

2006-08-22T15:02:00.000-04:00

Now that I've gotten the adulation of hot girls over with, let's move on to how socializing unfairly favors them. I mentioned how grateful I am that hot girls can get me into bars or clubs. Now I accept this ridiculous procedure, but I really don't understand it. What's the economic principle behind this practice? If it's based on the assumption that men are going to be exchanging the most currency, then perhaps keeping the place full of attractive women achieves the goal of maintain a healthy stock of targets. But then this assumption belies other assumptions... Namely, that all the men going out are single, heterosexual, and willing to buy $10 drinks for strangers.

Of course, this means these establishments must let some men in initially, but they need to screen them for their financial status. Aside from their dress, fame, or tips, it seems like a tough call considering the vast majority of guys dress alike, are not well-known, and expect a fiver will results in doors magically opening. So I'm going to fight the system. I'll deploy a few hot girls to get me in the door, and once inside, I will encourage girls to buy ME drinks using this strategy:

http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/03_Approaching/01_Approaches/buydrink.shtml

Not because I'm trying to pick girls up, but just because I want to stick it to the man. And a beer shouldn't cost me $8.

Praised Be Hot Girls

2006-08-21T17:21:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to say thanks to all the hot girls out there. I know we've had our disagreements in the past... I may have said some terrible things, and I won't dredge up any bad memories by repeating them, but I want you to know that they didn't reflect my true feelings. You rock.

When people ask what my "type" is when it comes to girls? Hot. What do I look for in girls? Hotness. Describe my ideal woman? A balanced hotfest.

First and foremost, you're fun to look at. Thanks for that. I'm all about fun. Hot girls might not always be fun, but they're always fun to look at. No need to worry, though. I don't stare.

Also, thanks for talking to me when I'm drunk. For some reason when I'm tipsy, I suddenly get the notion that I'm a pimp, that I'm devastatingly attractive, and that women dig me. I may consciously blather about incoherent nonsense, but you humor me, and don't tell on me.

Next, thanks for getting me in to places I'd otherwise have to wait in line for. I may not look like much to the dude manning the velvet rope, and he's gonna send me to the back of the line regardless of the caliber of any male compatriots I may have with me. But if I have a hot girl on either side, even if our relationships are purely professional, I get in. and get to look at all the other hot girls that got in because they are hot, and they are girls. And the hot guys who got in only because they were accompanied by hot girls. [This actually really pisses me off, and I'll probably post about the inequities of going out, but it's all good with the hot girls.]

Actually, thanks in general for making me look better. There is no single better accessory than a hot girl. Forget the designer clothes, the trendy haircut, and the sense of humor... just grab yourself a hot girl, and you're set.

I know I will likely have an experience in the near future, which will again have me saying nasty things about you, but please don't take them the wrong way. You might think we have a love/hate relationship, but it's really just a love you/hate myself relationship. I'm my own best psychotherapist.

You might think me shallow for devoting so many words to looks alone, and although you'd be wrong, if you're a hot girl, everyone is going to agree with you anyway, so I won't bother arguing.

Motivation

2006-06-14T13:40:00.000-04:00

I didn't forget about my blog, I just had no motivation to post. I think I may have written about lack of motivation before, but it really extends to all areas of my life. As for the blog, since very few people read it, and even fewer comment, I simply haven't bothered putting posts together recently. During my job search, the blog wasn't about communication; it was a quasi-therapeutic journal, mainly intended for documentation purposes.

I had the same experience with a physical journal I kept during my semester/travels abroad during college. I wrote in it constantly during the trip, a few entries a week, and intended to continue writing in it after my return. Although, like my blog, it has always been with me, a sometimes tangible companion and useful reference for times of discomfort or desperation, I haven't touched a pen to its paper in months.

I'd like to keep writing, but even I can admit that without the motivation of an audience, this blog may suffer. I think, ultimately, one obstacle is that although I write, I'm not a writer. And many of the bloggers with a constant readership consider themselves writers. I consider myself many things, most of them pejorative, but "writer" does not appear on the list.

I fear that my motivation issues may carry over into my running, which has become a steady addition to my athletic hobbies, behind ultimate frisbee, but alongside cycling. Until recently, I had the race to lever my motivation. Now, I feel as if I need another specific temporal goal to work towards, or else I simply won't bother.

Race Results

2006-06-13T12:36:00.000-04:00

Thanks again to all you guys who donated to the cause. I'm still a bit sore today, but I'll give you a run-down of the day.

I woke up at 4:30 AM and met up with the rest of my team to drive up to Bear Mountain State Park. Since several of my team members are Avon employees, Avon sponsored a 12-passanger van for the trip. We arrived around 6:30 AM, and cleared up all the logistics, and since I ran the first leg of the race, my team departed for the exchage area prior to the start. The race started exactly 7:30 AM on a cool, sunny morning with strong breezes. My leg took me across the Hudson on the Bear Mountain Bridge, along the river for a while, through Peekskill, and ending at the Blue Mountain reservation. (This is a gross approximation of the route)

It was an 8.2-mile run, and a literal uphill battle. I finished in 1 hour and 2 minutes and passed off the "baton", which was actually a wristband with a computer chip timer, to the next runner. For the rest of the race, there were a few mishaps along the way: one teammate passed off his watch instead of the wristband, and another teammate actually beat the van to the exchange point costing us a few minutes. We finished the entire 60-mile relay in almost exactly 8.5 hours ending up in New Rochelle.

The team finished 23rd overall (out of 70-something teams) and miraculously (don't ask me how) managed to place at the top of our division. We were pretty surprised when we got called up on stage to receive our medals. Overall, we thought this was quite a feat from a group of non-runners.

Do-Gooder

2006-04-05T14:08:00.000-04:00

I'm running a 60-mile relay with some friends to raise money for the Safe at Home Foundation, a charity creates awareness to help end the cycle of domestic violence. If you'd like to support my team and the cause, you can do so through the following link:

Support Me

It's nice to have some motivation, so the more people I have supporting me (financially and/or emotionally) the faster I'll run. I promise. No amount of money will be scorned.

Burning Benjamins

2006-03-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that my firm has more money than it knows what to do with, but it tends not to advertise this fact, even within the company. Last Thursday was a glaring exception. The entire staff was invited to the Rainbow Room for a talk by a celebrity, whose identity was revealed shortly beforehand.

Even though this blog's readership could probably be accounted for with the fingers on one hand, I think it would be unwise to disclose the name of the celebrity. Let's just say he was a prominent member of Monty Python's Flying Circus. An internal source told me he knew how much the speaker was charging. [He discovered this fact by holding the envelope contatining the check up to a light.] The amount? $225K. The number didn't shock me. In fact, I had previously guessed that the fee was $200K. But when I stop and think about that amount of money, it seems utterly ridiculous. I have no idea what the average annual salary for U.S. workers is, but at a conservative estimate, it must be somewhere in the ballpark of $30-60K. It's hard to describe the feeling I get when I think about how an hour's work for a celebrity is valued at 4 to 8 times the cost of a year's work for an average American.

Add to that the cost of renting out the Rainbow Room for an entire evening, and a Cipriani catered dinner with premium open bar, and you have yourself an event with a tab that hovers around half a mil. More to say, but no time right now.

Valentine's Daily Show

2006-02-15T18:00:00.000-05:00

I went to see the Daily Show taping last night... If you want a great way to impress a friend from out-of-town, get tickets to the show. Jon Stewart is seriously hilarious, and much funnier ad-libbing/off-camera, than when he's reading off the tele-prompter. Unfortunately, the studio is way out on the west side on 11th avenue in the middle of nowhere. So I had to leave work early to get out there in time, only to be forced to wait in line for over an hour. But as luck would have it, we got front-row seats (since they fill up the seats starting at the rear of the studio, and we were closer to the end of the line.)

During the introductions/instructions, the audience warm-up guy pointed to a dude in the audience and said "Michael Moore is here tonight." I thought this was just a joke, because the guy was a little heavyset and was wearing glasses, but then I realized it really was Michael Moore sans facial hair. He looked a bit like this picture. I would never have recognized him on the street, but he was the whole film crew from his current project. Unfortunately, the special guest was not nearly as interesting or funny as Michael Moore; it was some guy with a monotonous voice who wrote a book about oil depletion. Poor Jon had to pull the jokes out his ass to make the interview entertaining.

The studio and set a really quite small and unassuming, which I suppose suits Jon, who is only about 5'7". And the majority of the show was spent ripping on the Dick Cheney bird shooting mishap. Though it's certainly enjoyable to experience the energy of the audience, the show looks better on TV. There's nothing like seeing a taping to completely suck the glamour out of television. I'd certainly go again, but only with good reason.

'Stache Bash

2006-02-13T23:56:00.000-05:00

Behold... the power of the stache. A little before and after. And after.

Sync

2006-02-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those moments where you feel the presence of something greater than yourself? I just had one... I was sitting at my desk with my headphones on. After I stretched my arms out and was about to return my attention to the task at hand, I noticed that my heartbeat and the music were perfectly in sync. It lasted for about a minute, and left me with that sort of disconnected but not unpleasant feeling you get with déjà vu.

Even just now, it seems silly to write this, to assign meaning to what is probably not such a rare occurence. At the time, though, that's how it felt to me.

Bicycle Messengers

2006-01-24T16:05:00.000-05:00

So remember that short film I was assisting with about a year ago? Well, the final edit is finished, the DVDs are in production, and the website is up: http://www.bicyclemessengersmovie.com

Check out the trailer/teaser for an idea of what the film looks like. You can find my name in the credits among the many people who helped out with the project. [I'm amazed Josh got that many people to contribute with no compensation.] I've seen the preliminary version of the DVD and it looks really good. For a project with essentially no budget, Josh came up witha really impressive product.

Vegan Contraception

2006-01-19T13:30:00.000-05:00

This picture cracked me up. What in the hell is that old man doing? I'm glad the picture stops at his shoulders.

I saw this picture in a news article about a condom company that is being considered as the preferred supplier for the UN. The company, "Condomi", manufactures the only Vegan-approved condoms: "All Condomi condoms are free of animal derivatives and meet or surpass all global and domestic quality accreditations."

I wasn't aware most condoms contained animal derivatives, unless you count lambskin ones... but do they even manufacture those anymore?

From http://www.thingsmyboyfriendsays.com/: "What the f*** is a vegan condom, a hollowed out carrot?"

References: Article and picture from http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,,678520,00.html

Coincidence?

2006-01-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

Is it a coincidence that the word "Analyst" starts with "Anal"?

Moustachioed

2006-01-11T14:59:00.000-05:00

For lack of something better to write about, I thought I'd alert everybody to the fact that for the first time in my life, I'm letting my facial hair grow out. Several months ago, I started planning a party which I have lovingly titled, The 'Stache Bash. The theme of the party should be rather obvious... guys grow moustaches. Why? Kitschy fun. I've often wondered what I would look like with a cheesy 70's looking moustache, so now I get to find out, and embarrass my friends as well. Don't worry, though. I won't actually shave down to the 'stache until the day of the party. Meanwhile, I'll be sporting a scraggly beard. I have about 2 weeks worth of beard going now with about 3 weeks more to go. I can't say I'm enjoying the fuzziness so far, and it will only get fuzzier. But life is all about setting goals for yourself, and working to achieve them. So I'll consider this a personal goal, albeit a silly one. Maybe you'll even get to see a picture or two.

Strike One

2005-12-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

I'm guessing that approximately 100% of bloggers living in NYC are posting about this, so I have no fantasies about being original here. As you know, the MTA/TWU is on strike, meaning that there is essentially no public transportation running. Since several million people rely on this system, you can guess the sort of havoc coursing through Manhattan right now.

Yesterday, I woke up at about 5:30 AM thinking it was 6:30 AM (the time for which I had set my alarm.) I turned on the TV, and sure enough, the strike was on. I had planned on cycling to Midtown from Brooklyn in the event of a strike. So I bundled up and wondered why it was still pitch black outside at 7:00 AM, and I heard the TV news reporter say, "it is now 6:00 in the morning." Oh well. I figured I'd get a good jump on the traffic, which turned out to be true. Manhattan Bridge was nearly empty when I crossed it.

I managed to arrive at the office when it was still dark. It's about a 10 mile ride, and it probably took about 45 minutes, which was significantly faster than I had expected. Prior to the strike, I took the F train to work every day, and to get from my stop (Fort Hamilton Parkway) to 42nd Street took 45 minutes. So the commute time is the same. I was among the early birds at work, and it as kind of nice to be working alone in the quiet office while the sky turned pink and gold as the sun rose outside my window.

Getting home sucked. I was dodging cars and pedestrians the whole way. Since it is the season for giving, I gave the middle finger to several drivers. Unfortunately, they deserved a lot more than that, but I'm not the violent type and I just wanted to get home. It took me about an hour even though I had a simpler route. And all I could do was pass out on the couch when I got there.

I got a ride into Manhattan this morning. So even though I was warm and comfortable the whole way, it took over an hour and a half... to go 10 miles. How ridiculous it that? I'm considering staying home tomorrow. It's just not worth a 4-hour round-trip commute to be somewhere I'd rather not be in the first place.

Finally

2005-12-08T12:49:00.000-05:00

I'm really excited (perhaps unnecessarily so) because we now have Firefox installed on our machines at work. My firm is ultraprotective of information, so they do not allow users to install programs. But now I have Firefox, and the world [wide web] seems brighter. Of course, I can't install any of the fun themes or extensions, but at least I have tabbed browsing.

I guess this post proves what a dork I am. If anyone still uses Internet Explorer on their PC's, I highly recommend you give Firefox a shot, you might never go back. There's a button towards the bottom of my sidebar that links to it.

Want One?

2005-12-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

To iPod accessory manufacturers: For god's sake (no pun intended) stop putting an "i" at the beginning of your product's name. That was cool for about 3.7 days after the iPod was released.

iBelieve... if I believed, I would.

As I was typing this I was imagining other iPod accessories that might be out there. Lo and behold, the iBuzz exists; althought they chose a rather innocuous name, which is not the name I had in mind. Ladies, if you are ever in the UK, pick up one of these for yourself. For some reason, they won't ship to the U.S. Now you can get yourself off to a soundtrack (it sounds like it syncronizes with the music.) That's innovation.

Things I Learned Today By Staying on an Old College Listserver

2005-11-30T15:27:00.001-05:00

The correct plural form of the word "ho" (as in prostitute) is "hos" despite the awkward appearance of the word. "Hoes" refers to gardening instruments, so check your spelling carefully lest you throughly confuse your friends by calling their mothers "implement[s] with a thin flat blade on a long handle used especially for cultivating, weeding, or loosening the earth." (Merriam-Webster)

And...

Prostitutes frequently used pubic wigs, called "merkins", to cover their danger zones if they had shaved off their pubes (which was believed to have been a cure for crabs and syphilis.) I assumed that merkins were archaic reminders of medical idiocy, but for some reason (be it for functional or entertainment pusposes) they can still be had. Go to http://www.merkinworld.com and click on "take a look" [the pictures aren't actual photos of said items in use, so consider this site PG-13.] Click on "history" to read up on past and present usage. Leave it to the Brits to try and market something to the general public that has no right to exist outside of the escort industry of the Victorian era.

Just thought everyone should know.

Muse

2005-11-17T15:38:00.001-05:00

I am a terrible procrastinator. I'm one of those people who wrote all his papers the night before they were due, who lets dishes sit in the sink for a day or so, who will put off responsibilities at work that aren't pressing. Why? To quote Peter Gibbons again, "You see, Bob... it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care." Except for me, it's not a question of motivation, but of inspiration. I expect that eventually I will feel inspired to do things, even those things that I don't really want to do. Sometimes this works, often it doesn't. But I've had a few sparks of inspiration recently that have allowed to get some things done.

INSPIRATION: Get a bike that is rideable, and get rid of the old one in a responsible manner.

I don't know if I've bitched about it on this blog, but the bike I got when I first moved to New York had been giving me problems for a couple of months. It was an old Schwinn road bike, appropriately sized for someone over six feet tall. Being an inch or two shy of that, this bike and I were bound to have a tumultuous relationship... and we certainly did. One of the cranks kept falling off (and it's pretty difficult [i.e. impossible] to pedal a bike with only one crank), the tubes wouldn't hold air, and the brakes were terribly out of whack. So I would carry around a hammer (to bang the crank back on), a pump (to continually reinflate the tires), and I detached the brake cables. Oh, by the way, I wouldn't recommend riding a bike without brakes. Anyway, I finally got fed up with this bike and I dropped it off at Recycle-A-Bicycle in DUMBO. Fortunately, I now have a replacement, which fits me properly, and thus far, has not fallen apart. Where'd I get that? Craigslist, of course.

INSPIRATION: Do something with that huge piece of plywood sitting in my room.

Last spring I picked up a full sheet of plywood that someone was getting rid of, with the intention of doing something fun with it, such as doing a sequel to the drilled self-portrait, or playing Beirut. Of course, this thing has been sitting in my room untouched for the past six months. I was about to put it back out on the street, but my roommate convinced me that it was a waste. So now I'm in the process of covering it with gesso, to make a nice surface for a big-ass charcoal drawing.

INSPIRATION: Start messing around with video again

The last videos I made for my own projects were put together about a year ago, when I still had access to all the nice equipment at school. The video studio was all Mac-based, so I taught myself the ins and outs of Final Cut Pro. Fast forward to NYC, and when I start working on video again, I'm doing it on a PC, because my friend uses Avid. I don't know Avid, thusly I don't like Avid, and when I try running it on my PC at home, it can't handle it, so I hate Avid. So I stick with compositing and he does all the editing. That project wrapped up a while ago, but we're still in the busy season at work, so I haven't had time to start another one of my own. Hopefully that will change soon though, so I bought a used G4 Tower so Final Cut and I can become reacquainted... I'm sure my PC will be jealous, but he'll have to deal. Source of said G4? Craigslist.

Craigslist is one of those things that makes you think, "How did I ever manage without the internet?" I think everyone who lives in a Craigslist-covered city and has used the site for some purpose should keep a list of how their life has changed as a result. For me, it helped me find an apartment (indirectly), a functional bike, and a cheap Mac. How about you? Post a comment and let me know, I'm curious.

please note that Craigslist had absolutely no role in helping me find a job although I scanned the posts almost daily

Extreme

2005-11-03T15:53:00.000-05:00

I think it's a credit to Fruit Chan that this relatively innocuous image still make me sick to my stomach. I am compelled to write about this film because it's somehow still unresolved in my mind. On Monday, All Hallow's Eve, I saw Three Extremes, a horror film triptych of sorts... it consists three short films by three different accomplished Asian directors (one Chinese, one Korean, and one Japanese.) The still above is from the first if the three films, "Dumplings". On the one hand, none of the films resort to traditional scare tactics used by many horror movies, but they also manage to skirt psychological terror (the other sub-genre of horror), and move into the realm of the semi-surreal. Yet the situations of the film are so grounded in real life tragedy, that one couldn't classify them as purely surreal.

I can't say much about the events of "Dumplings" (obviously the Chinese one, directed by Fruit Chan) without simultaneously giving away the whole premise and making myself retch. This film really bothered me... a lot. It definitely smashes political correctness in the face, which I fully support, but I fear it begins to trivialize two really sensitive subjects (which, again, I can't mention.) This is the type of movie that would be instantly banned, were it legal to do so. That said, it succeeds in being incredibly creepy, and genuinely horrifying. However, if you are the type of person that enjoys a good scare, it will not give you that satisfaction you get from making it through a good frightfest.

The second one, "Cut" (the Korean one, directed by Chan-Woo Park) is visually interesting and uncomfortably funny, in a "I-know-this-is-a-tragic-and-frightening-situation-yet-I-can't-help-but-laugh" kind of way. This was my favorite of the three, although I still don't exactly understand what happened in the last few minutes. Although, walking out of the theater, I said I never wanted to see these again... I think I may want to give this one another try to see if I can figure out what happened. Check out the picture though, and although you won't know exactly what's going on, you can definitely feel the tension, and see the visual attraction.

And then there's Miike's "Box". Oh, Takashi... you've let me down. Don't get me wrong, your film is really good. Perhaps a bit too muddled and unnecessarily cryptic, with an overdose of dream sequences and metaphors, but so was Memento, and that got nominated for all sorts of awards. But what happened to the kitsch and the gore. There's no dismemberment with the classic blood powerwashing, there's no random choreographed singing, and there's no gratuitous death sequences. Instead you invoke real-life issues such as sibling rivalry and child abuse. wtf, man? I feel let down. Fine, grumble mumble, you attempted artsy film with respectable results... you're the f-ing man, now bring back the kitsch.

Ranguage

2005-10-27T14:39:00.000-04:00

I've been terribly negligent of my blog as of late. Rather than tending to it as a ewe would her lamb, I've been forsaking it for activities not involving a keyboard and monitor. After spending well over eight hours umbilically [that should be a word] attached to my office pc, I have little desire to continue to type words of any sort. I actually think all the emails I write have begun to take a toll on my verbal communication skills. I've noticed that my ability to form coherent sentences has been deteriorating; in fact, I'm having trouble with the individual words. Yesterday, I definitely heard several sounds exiting my mouth which you would be pressed to find in any dictionary (regardless of language). Perhaps they resembled English words and could be perceived as clever combinations of existing words, but I'm pretty sure that "strecruit" and "afform" are essentially meaningless in most colloquial conversations. I think that one of little men who work language center of my brain is on vacation, because dozen of such words enter into my stream of consciousness narrative. Although I have been largely able to filter out these words before they become entangled in my vocal chords, they merit some sort of mention. Sometimes when there is no word to describe something, you have to make one up. Hobbes decided that wet leaves smell "snippid", and Will Ferrell (playing James Lipton) was relegated to describe a performance as "scrumtrilescent". Now I'll have a database of words that, as of yet, have not been assigned meanings, such as felunctuous, gartolean, trabigular, and spranty.

Which brings us to the almost-nearly-closely related link o' the day, your reward for enduring the above. Prepare yourself for the hilarity that is Engrish (http://www.engrish.com). Some of the clothing is especially funny. As a native speaker, I can only butcher the English language to a limited degree, but the Japanese have perfected this art. At least the Japanese only print our words on t-shirts and such without knowing their meanings... only Americans are stupid enough to have Japanese characters permanently tattooed on their bodies without knowing a single word of Japanese beyond "domo arigato (mr. roboto)". More lock and loll... [5 points if you get the movie reference; no googling allowed]

Human Extinction and Me

2005-10-14T13:17:00.000-04:00

We all know there's a lot a crazy, creepy people out there, and yet, somehow we continue to be shocked by some of the things they do. This leads me to the conclusion that people are getting crazier and creepier. Case in point: http://www.vhemt.org

A couple years ago, I bought a t-shirt from a vintage clothing shop that said "Thank you for not breeding". I thought it would be funny to give to someone as a gift, though I subsequently forgot all about it. Then I stumbled upon this site, and now I'm glad I never gave it to a friend, because I would never want to impose this idea on someone (even though it would have been completely unintentional.) I guess if you read through the website, they're not advocating genocide or anything (emphasis on voluntary), so they're not creepy in a Nazi way, but still... I mean there are at least 4 people who care enough about this to get the logo tattooed on their bodies. I'm all for a healthier planet, and while this is a viable solution, think of everything we would lose.

That said, I don't think I'd ever really want kids, but not for any of the reasons they give. Looks like the torch has been passed to my younger brother to carry on the family name, because my older brother certainly ain't gonna knock anyone up. Umm, don't tell my parents about this. My mom would flip out seeing as I've forsaken everything she's given me... well not everything, but some things that are very important to her [her religion and her family name]. Rather than hyphenate my last name (which would have made it unbearably long), my parents used my mother's maiden name as my second middle name. Although it's on my birth certificate, I never use it; and this makes her sad. I've think I've already touched on how I've forsaken my religion in a previous post, but I don't really want to delve any further into that for fear of opening up a big-ass can of worms. I have my reasons, and they are even written down on paper somewhere, but nobody is allowed to read it.

Those Ivy League Bastards

2005-10-04T16:22:00.000-04:00

Interesting article about the history and practive of Ivy League admissions. This is definitely relevant to Williams, as I suspect they followed the Ivies in this respect.

http://www.newyorker.com/printables/critics/051010crat_atlarge

Here's Johnny

2005-10-04T13:10:00.000-04:00

I think this is hilarious and pretty well done: http://www.ps260.com/molly/SHINING%20FINAL.mov

NOTE: If you're not familiar with the movie version of Stephen King's "The Shining" , this won't seem funny at all, which is why it's so well done.

Sourced from http://www.milkandcookies.com/

Dalai Lama vs. Al Sharpton

2005-09-27T14:24:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about fame and celebrities. Why is it that there is very little overlap between the glitterati and the literati, and with perhaps the exception of the Dalai Lama (who has somehow become a sellout), no overlap between the glitterati and the illuminati? And no, Al Sharpton, does not count as the latter.

Side rant -- How on earth did the Dalai Lama do that? He went from a cultural icon and a spiritual figurehead to a talk show guest and tabloid fodder. Did you hear that Madonna is having an affair with him? [Maybe I just made that up, but it sounds completely reasonable.]

Unrelated question -- Who would win a fight?

The remainder of this post has been deleted by the administrators due to incoherent rambling.

Anniversary

2005-09-20T17:50:00.000-04:00

Today marks the one-year anniversary of my move to NYC. One year ago today I showed up for the first day of my internship at the non-profit public art organization, an internship which ultimately did not prove very helpful in helping me establish career goals, find a job, or even to enjoy myself. And one year ago today I walked back across town on 23rd street, wondering what the hell I was doing in this city. I guess I'm still wondering the same thing... so I'll ask myself some questions to try and clarify things for myself.

So what has happened in this one year? Everything... Nothing... I suppose it all depends on how you look at it. Of course, I'm ultimately the same person, but I've grown a lot. I'm hesitant to make any sort of sweeping statement to encapsulate what has been a tremendously difficult time in my life, but one which has been equally rewarding. I'm also hesitant to call it a "formative" year because we never really finish forming. It could certainly be called "instructive" though.

So what have I learned? Rhetorical question... next.

So does this mean I'm a New Yorker now? Nope... go Sox.

So I probably won't be living here permanently? Oh hell no.

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Don't be stupid, I don't know that... but yet another guy with way too much time on his hands does: http://www.style.org/unladenswallow/

Sorry for that, I acutally think I need some time to reflect. Maybe I'll make and addendum post later on with more deep thoughts and probing questions.

The Academic Approach To Pop Music

2005-09-19T14:14:00.000-04:00

"Hollaback Girl" is a catchy-ass song, but I wondered what the heck Gwen is singing about. Well... some dude with too much time on his hands sat down and made sense out of the lyrics.

"This Shit Is Bananas"
by Greg Stacy
A probing analysis of Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl"

Check out the article at http://www.ocweekly.com/ink/05/35/music-stacy.php

Sidewalk Etiquette

2005-09-14T13:29:00.000-04:00

Since I've lived here long enough that I no longer qualify as a visitor, I feel I have adequate authority to disseminate some rules for tourists. We all know about drivers getting road rage, and then flipping out and doing something stupid like stabbing another driver at the McDonald's drive-thru [this happened a couple weeks ago, what is this world coming to?] New York is one of the few places where people get sidewalk rage, and I get it all the time, though the worst I've done as a result is squeezed past someone without saying "pardon". It is especially bad for me because I work near Times Square, home of the starry-eyed tourist. Hopefully, the following will be included in the packets prepared for people who book sightseeing trips to NYC. I present to you the Unofficial Rules for Walking in New York City [this is a work in progress... motions from readers to amend this bill will be given thorough consideration.]

Keep moving. This is by far the most important rule. Never just stop in the middle of the sidewalk. You will be trampled. If you need to tie your shoelace or look through your purse, swing into a doorway or something unless you are interested in having your back punctured by stilettos.

Walk like you know where you are going (even if you don't). Failure to obey this rule is probably the most frequent cause of people running into each other. There is always someone (or some group) who weaves all over the sidewalk like a drunk driver because he's unsure of where he's going. He'll start to turn at a corner, then change his mind, and head to wait for the light to change to cross the avenue, then abruptly, turn to cross with the light. Meanwhile a dozen other pedestrians are weaving and leaping just to avoid knocking his confused ass to the pavement, though occasionally someone will "accidentally" forgo the attempts to avoid him, and leave him with a friendly, "Watch it, asshole!"

Don't walk more than two or three people abreast. [hee hee... breast] Yeah, our sidewalks are pretty big, but think of them as four-lane highways, not backcountry roads. Traffic needs to move in both directions, and there needs to be a passing lane or two. When I see a group of five thirteen-year-old girls walking with their arms linked, I just want to run at them full hilt, and Red Rover their skinny butts to the ground. If you happen to be a member of a group of four or more people, just split into pairs; it's not as if you'd be able to talk to the person on the other end of a five-person line anyway.

Watch where you are going. I know there are lots of neat tall buildings and flashing lights to look at, but please find a convenient place to stop and look at them, rather than walking slowly with your head tilted up. You are both pissing the hell out of the guy behind you who has some place to be, and asking for a taxi to turn you into roadkill when you step onto the crosswalk without checking the traffic lights.

If you do stop for some reason (to look at a building, take a picture, tie your shoe, find you can of pepper spray, etc.) make sure you are doing it in an appropriate location. Based on rule #1, it should be obvious that the middle of the sidewalk is NOT an appropriate location. Other inappropriate locations are in front of doors (yes, both swinging and revolving, moron), at the tops and bottoms of stairways (especially in subway stations), and in crosswalks. Failure to do this is on par with those people who wait until they are standing in the turnstile to dig their Metrocards out of their wallets or purses. If you don't have that thin piece of plastic in your hand when you approach the card-reader thing, bail out, and don't come back until you do.

For those of you who obey rule #2 despite the fact that you have no idea where you are going, congratulations, you are among the elite few who know how to comport yourself while on foot in the city, so I will bestow on you some advice for getting directions. Be aware that the people who are most able to help you, are the least likely to stop if you try to ask them something. Those people who look friendly and not in a big hurry, probably don't know where the hell they are going either, so don't bother asking. You will end up saving yourself some time if you just find someone who has a good reason to be standing still (i.e. a cop, the newsstand guy, the foodcart guy, heck, even the crazy, smelly guy mumbling to himself... he may not know what year it is, but he can probably tell you which subway lines will get you to Penn Station.)

If you find yourself wanting to blend in with the real city-dwelling pedestrians, it's really not too hard. Follow a few easy tips, and you'll be the one saying "Watch it, asshole!" Basically, all the non-tourists on foot have a good reason to go where they are going, so they go. Just walk with a sense of purpose, briskly, and you won't be targeted by a pickpocket who knows you have a wallet full of traveler's cheques. Don't smile or look dreamy... actually, it's probably just best to maintain a slight scowl. Don't look at the guy wearing tight pink leather pants for more than a moment, we see that stuff every day. Oh, if you come across one of those dudes in the sandwich boards, handing out flyers (for a barber shop, a strip club, acupuncture, or whatever) don't take one. You don't want it, and there's enough crap littering the streets as it is. Clearly there's more, but just thinking about those looking-for-their-Metrocard-at-the-turnstile wastes of space has gotten me agitated. Just be considerate.

The Alpha and the Omega

2005-09-07T14:04:00.000-04:00

I spoke with god today.

It's about time he made himself available for live chat. What New Yorkers have the time to go to their respective houses of worship to spout prayers and chants?

Drop him a line here: iGod

Below are my impressions:

[NOTE: Henceforth, God will be referred to in the masculine. This is not because I am a chauvinist, or because we live in a patriarchal society. I asked about his gender and his reply was, "I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be able to run the show?" I shit you not.]

For an omniscient being, God asks way too many goddamn (oops) questions. In fact, I went looking for answers, and He ended up asking all the questions. It was like having a conversation with a Magic 8 Ball turned psychotherapist. He even asked about my mother.

God has the vocabulary of a seventh-grader. Turns out he doesn't know what omniscient means. In fact, he couldn't differentiate between the word "your" and the word "you're".

We are all God's children, but he can't communicate with most of us. He speaks a few words of Spanish, German, and French. Literally a few words. And He couldn't understand anything Italian (he asked if it was Spanish.) When I greeted him in Japanese, he thought I was I was speaking nonsense. So unless you pray in English, it's quite likely that things are going in one ear and out the other. He does speak HTML though.

God is very close-minded. He was unwilling to discuss polytheism in general, and would not address other religions such as Islam, Hinduism, or Buddhism.

Interesting tidbits I learned about God:

He looks like Jesus, except older. And he is very beautiful, and has gotten more attractive with age.

He is a Christian. (When I asked how this was possible, he replied, "It doesn't defy the laws of physics." He believes in the Bible, so apparently that is all it takes. What's to believe… it's a book they stick in the bedside drawer of every crappy motel? That doesn't automatically qualify Jesus for divinity.)
His favorite band: Creed. Favorite movie: The Passion of Christ [sic]. I can only hope he was joking.

I come away from this experience thankful I stopped going to temple in third grade. God is a Christian... and kind of a prick. I think I'll be better off with non-Western religions.

The Passion of the Jaggd

2005-08-31T16:28:00.000-04:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my job situation, and honestly, I have no good reasons to be at all dissatisfied, and yet…

So I've been here for a little over three months, which as far as real world jobs go, is nothing. However, every other full-time job I've had has only lasted three months, because they’ve all been summer jobs/internships. It's as if my mind expects me to pack up and move on to the next thing. Of course, my stomach says, "If you become poor again and stop eating well, so help me, we're through!" My heart really isn't in this job, so it would probably be happier elsewhere. And my spleen really couldn’t care less about any of this.

I have a mental list of pros and cons with regards to my job. I wasn't surprised to discover that there are a hell of a lot more pros than cons… flexible hours, casual work environment, intelligent co-workers, a salary on which I can live comfortably in NYC, lots of little perks… etc. Then there's this huge con: I don't really care about what I do. There, I said it.

Now, I'm not going to go on some 2000 word rant about how people who are in the business of making money are evil, and I really want to work for a non-profit. I don't believe that. There are plenty of evil people in the non-profit sector, but they're generally not capitalist evil, they're other kinds of evil… and the hedge fund manager I [indirectly] work for (who probably pulls in a few hundred million a year) is a brilliant, admirable guy, who is privately funding some remarkably altruistic projects. Plus, I've already worked for a few non-profit organizations, and I didn't feel especially good about what I did for them either.

I've reached a few possible conclusions:

I have simply never had a job which has engaged my passions. While this allows for the possibility that such a job exists, I'm quite skeptical. Regardless, there is hope that I could potentially find satisfaction with my employment.

I am not a "job" person. I will never be fulfilled by what I do in the workplace, so I will have to use my spare time to engage my passions, and trudge thorough the days at the office in order to pay the bills.

I am a self-indulgent overthinker, and I should be thankful that I've had the kind of opportunities that are probably not available to 75% of the population of this country. Most people have passions, but it seems like very few are fortunate enough to be able to devote their days to them.

All this thinking hasn't resulted in any epiphanies, nor do I expect one to arrive. So don't worry about me taking any brash action or making stupid decisions because I had a vision of Siddhartha in my chicken soup, telling me to rid myself of worldly attachments. Sid and Lao, I love you dudes, but you never lived in NYC.

And if you don't know much about Siddhartha or Laozi, I would recommend reading about them. Though in all likelihood they never existed, their purported existence has inspired some beautiful ideas about humanity and spirituality.

Workplace Audio Entertainment

2005-08-19T10:42:00.000-04:00

I'm not a huge fan of internet radio, most of the stations are no better than FM radio... it's all about greasing palms for airtime and irritating commericals. But when I get bored with my iPod selections, I listen to SomaFM. The "Indie Pop Rocks" station is quite accessible, and a really good way to discover new music, and if you're feeling a bit more adventurous, hit up "Groove Salad".

It's commercial-free, the connection is pretty dependable, and you can listen to it with any player that can handle streaming content (e.g. iTunes, Windows Media Player, Winamp, etc.) I know I sound like an infomercial, but I want to support these guys because I really admire what they're doing. In true indie style, they're essentially running a radio station out of a basement without any funding.

thirteen senses... unlucky

Lack of Context = Hilarious

2005-08-17T12:22:00.000-04:00

Because you probably need this kind of thing as much as I do... Funny writing taken out of context is even funnier, so I present to you this week's installment of Text Lacking Context.

Chipmunks do not wear sweater dresses emblazoned with the initial of their given name, they do not wear matching caps, and they certainly do not mingle with human children that are inexplicably the same size they are. What do chipmunks do? They steal seeds and nuts and hide them for their own selfish consumption. Seeds are baby trees, so basically a chipmunk is an H2-driving murderer who hates God. A great swath of heavenly fire is the preferred extermination technique. - José Lourenço [McSweeney's]

Incredibly offensive if you are a woman, hence pretty damn funny to me:

If you're female and you don't posess prodigal, Einsteinian caliber intelligence that would propel the cause of humanity forward, and, if you don't relish the idea of being alone, then . . . throw every last dollar you have at your physical appearance. - anonymous poster [obviously]

So obscure... the whole story is hilarious, but I'll leave it up to your imagination and/or googling skills:

Apparently, he used to have three nipple hairs on his right nipple. I don’t know why his fiancé keeps a running count of his bodily hair, but she noticed that he was one shy that night. And, she confronted him about it. “What happened to the third nipple hair?” Dumfounded by the question, he said. “Oh, it fell out.” That answer apparently didn’t ring true, and she just flipped out and accused him of cheating on her. Finally, he said, “You want the truth, my supervisor pulled it out at work today!” And, that probably didn’t sound right, either, [though that was how it actually happenned.] - anonymous poster

Hindsight

2005-08-12T17:49:00.000-04:00

I found out that I do remember how to speak Spanish, but that it may take a drink or two to remind me of that fact. So I was speaking Spanish with a native speaker at the after-after-party, but it didn't seem like an entirely cohesive conversation to me, but I guess that wasn't the case. I don't recall the content of the conversation, but it was slightly argumentative, as this guy is one of those "I have an opinion about everything, and can't restrain that fact if my BAC is higher than .001" kind of guys. I was never one to put together a cohesive statement at four in the morning in my nativelanguagee, so to do so in a foreign language is quite an accomplishment. I'm sure I dropped some Italian words into my sentences though, because I can longer keep those languages completely separate in my mind. I wonder why the various tenses were the first thing to go from my language memory, is this the case for most people? Why is it easier to remember vocab than conjugation for example? And why in the hell were we speaking Spanish at four in the morning at a random club on the west side?

I also found out that it was probably not the best decision to bust out my dance moves in the company of co-workers. They were astounded that a mild-mannered kid like me has some skillz and now they want me to demonstrate for everyone else in the department. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine stupidly tried to start up the dance floor at the holiday party with her spastic kicking dance style, and then everyone knew what a terrible dancer she was, so will clearly become the butt of jokes when she is in the company of co-workers and there is music. I think the same thing will happen to me (except that they'd be earnestly encouraging me.) Dancing must be my superpowerÂ next time I should be more careful of exposing it; with great power comes great responsibility. Hmm, that doesn't translate very well... Con mucho poder viene mucho responsabilidad. Does that even make sense?

Glad I Didn't End Up At This Job

2005-08-05T11:59:00.000-04:00

This article is really interesting and entertaining, even if you aren't planning on buying a car, which I'm obviously not, seeing as I live in NYC. Be forewarned, it's really long, and you will probably want to read the whole thing.

Confessions of a Car Salesman

Deep Thoughts

2005-08-04T11:02:00.000-04:00

Retro goodness: when SNL was funny
Those thoughts really are deep.

Albums Revisited

2005-08-02T12:25:00.000-04:00

I've managed to procure several of the albums I listed earlier, so if you are looking for something new, I'll give you the rundown. Here is the list from before with notes about which I have now. iTunes proved unnecessary, Steve Jobs deserves a kick in the junk for the level of self-righteousness in his commencement speech at Stanford, even if it was inspiring.

Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic or Skittish/Rockity Roll [got both]
Phoenix - Alphabetical [got it]
Herbaliser - Blow Your Headphones [got different album: Very Mercenary]
Nightmares On Wax - Carboot Soul [not yet]
The Decemberists - Picaresque or Her Majesty [got the former, and another: Castaways and Cutouts]

I'm one of those weirdos who really like Doughty's scratchy voice and irreverent lyrics. Contrary to some opinions, I think he has come up with some really solid stuff since going solo [from Soul Coughing]. Rockity Roll is definitely my favorite set. It's quite sparse [vocals, acoustic guitar, and synth beats,] and really highlights the intricacies of the vocals. Haughty Melodic is much more poppy as there's a full band. Unfortunately one of the better songs on the album, "Tremendous Brunettes", is slaughtered by Dave Matthews who also sings on the track and sticks in his standard "hey, hey, hey" a few times, which pisses me off royally. It's funny that this song is a topic of discussion here given the comments to the post below ["Picky."] Tremendous Brunettes indeed.

The Phoenix album is really just basic electro-pop at its core, but with a hint of disco, a dash of R&B, and a twist of goofy French accents. It's the kind of funky pop that is fun to listen to, and it must be cool, since they don't get any radio play. I just like it because it's the type of music you can use for both chilling and dancing.

The Herbaliser is just straight up dope stuff, but I knew that before I got this album. 'Nuf said.

I do like the Decemberists, though I suspect they will be one of those alterna-pop hipster bands that will fade out quickly. They are reasonably popular at the moment, which generally spells trouble for that type of band, because they often flip out and rebel against their popularity by producing a craptastic follow-up. What I really like about their albums is the kind of linear story-telling some albums have. It's not a blatant plot or anything, but the tracks have a distinct progression which doesn't work as well when taken out of order. This is a quality I love discovering in albums, and this is the reason I'm kind of a full-album snob. I usually avoid having just a handful of songs from an album. It's kind of an all or nothing deal for me. A recent discussion suggested this was a gender thing, but I think it's just a matter of personal preference. If you see musicians as artists though, it's only logical that you have to have the whole album, otherwise it's just an unfinished installation. Even if you have all the better pieces at hand, you just aren't getting the whole experience.

Picky

2005-07-26T17:51:00.000-04:00

So I’ve decided to address a question to which I have no good answer in the hopes that someone who enjoys psychoanalysis will be able to suggest an explanation. Now I’m not an especially picky person in general… I’ll eat almost anything, I can get into all sorts of music and movies, I’m usually up for any activity, and when it comes to girls, I have a broad range of personalities and appearances which I find attractive. Of course, each category has its own glaring exceptions: for example, I don’t like sweet potatoes, I find most classical music and romantic comedies painfully dull, and I rarely enjoy going to clubs. And each of these exceptions has a reasonable explanation. However, the glaring exception to my appearance/personality preference is essentially unfounded. The question is this: why don’t I like Jewish girls?

I’m not saying I’m incapable of being attracted to a Jewish girl, but (in the cases where it isn’t obvious) when I find out a girl is Jewish, she automatically falls down a few rungs on my attractiveness ladder. Clearly, the average guy would be turned off by a JAP with a Long Island accent [just the thought makes me shudder] but even your everyday nice-looking chick who happens to be Jewish just doesn’t do it for me. I initially suspected it was some sort of rebellion against my heritage or whatever, and that I was forced to go to hebrew school through the third grade, but I like to think it has been long enough that I wouldn’t still hold a grudge. However, I won’t dispute claims that I haven’t matured much since age nine. One good theory is that I’m worried I’ll have to act Jewish again, which would suck. I’m not going to open up the big-ass can of worms and start talking about my religious beliefs (or lack thereof) and why Judaism doesn’t agree with them, but let’s just say I was pretty much finished with the religion in elementary school.

Given all this backstory, is there any justification for my discrimination against my own race? I’m not sure. Maybe, as it turns out, Jewish chicks are just not that hot. Are there any hot female Jewish celebrities? It already sounds like an oxymoron. Well, I hope this post has been entertaining, as always… though perhaps not as entertaining as Nancy Drew’s “killer rack” [see the post below…]

Giving Back and Giving Up

2005-07-19T17:36:00.000-04:00

I realize that for the most part my posts have been self-indulgent rants providing little entertainment to my few faithful readers. So I’m going to start giving back to the community. Read this and pee your pants, then leave a comment saying that I am your daddy.

Hardy Boys

Concreteness

2005-07-12T12:37:00.000-04:00

So I think I've figured out my frustrations with contemporary aesthetics: I've been living in NYC, and specifically working in Midtown, which is predominated by modernist buildings. And frankly, I'm kind of sick of being surrounded by a linear forest of steel and glass. I've kind of fallen for the Grace building, which I pass by on my walk between work and the subway [it's 42nd across from Bryant Park], which was built in the 70's, just after the Modernist era, but has a gentle arc to its façade, as if the entire structure were made of a viscous medium slowly spilling down. It also has this really attractive pale color, and the word "GRACE" appears enigmatically above the Avenue of the Americas entrance. I was really captivated by the "GRACE" until I did some Googling and found out that it is the name of the chemical company that originally occupied the building. I prefer my ignorance when I thought it was some sort of heavenly gate in the middle of all of these ugly financial megacenters [the buildings surrounding it house companies like Verizon, (soon-to-be) Bank of America, and the Wall Street Journal, which, ironically, is nowhere near Wall Street.]

While at this point, it's probably redundant (and not to mention ridiculous) to walk around shouting, "Ugly!" at all the gross skyscrapers [*cough* Verizon], I think I've made some progress. Damn straight lines. Having found one demonstrated solution to my proposed merger of modernism and biomorphism [constructing with both lines and arc], I have a concrete (no pun intended) example to provide.

--thoughts interrupted... to be continued--

You Ain't Got No Alibi

2005-06-29T17:02:00.000-04:00

I decided that I’m going to search for the new contemporary aesthetic. This whole steel and glass thing is getting a little tiresome. Every bar you go into now has the frosted glass with the colored lighting, the clean lines and brushed stainless steel accents. It’s getting quite ridiculous. The idea is about 50 years old for crying out loud, though granted it only became an interior style in the last decade. The bottom line is that I’m ready for something new. I see a possible rebellion, favoring to a more organic style [but not a Gehry-esque fusion of the two.]

As a culture, we’ve pretty much exhausted retro styles from the last century. It’s actually pretty scary that I was alive during a decade that has already had a retro phase. It seems like each decade was cool for a couple of months. So it’s time to evolve. And if nobody else is gonna step it up, well I might just have to start pushing things along. [Step 1] I will start by unabashedly announcing if something is ugly. Buildings, furniture, art, animals, people… even holy ones who could cause me eternal damnation like the pope. Nothing will be spared. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Please understand that I mean this classification not as an insult, but simply as a step towards compiling an archive of things my new style should not reflect. I will inevitably find myself face-to-face with my reflection, and reflexively shout, “Ugly!” This will most likely further hinder my chances of becoming a socially appreciated individual, but sometimes you gotta take one for the team. I will announce Step 2 shortly, but for now I’m concentrating my efforts on Step 1.

If you need any assistance in determining whether or not something is ugly, just send me a picture, and I will post it along with my judgment call. All submissions deemed “ugly” will be catalogued for future reference. If are interested in participating in the creation of a new, de-uglified contemporary aesthetic, consider a tax-deductible donation to my cause. All views expressed in future classifications of ugliness are solely mine, and do not necessarily reflect societal norms and/or basic common sense.

Here's My Card

2005-06-22T14:36:00.000-04:00

I’m officially working now. No, I mean really officially. How do I know this? I have business cards now. These silly little rectangles of thick paper with the company logo and my name and contact info. I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do with them, seeing as I’m not really in the type of position that involves professional networking. Plus, I’m almost embarrassed by my job. Now I have to explain to people that I meet that my occupation really doesn’t enter into my identity; it’s just the place I go to chill on weekdays. And I really do chill… the nice thing about having a job that doesn’t impact me as a person is that I don’t really get too stressed out when things are busy or when I screw up. It leaves me plenty of negative feelings to apply to other areas of my life.

I really need to get my dad a Father’s Day present, but I have no ideas. Any suggestions for what to get a workaholic kind of guy? Help.

Gigs and Secrets

2005-06-17T14:28:00.000-04:00

So I got a freelance gig designing an artist's website of sorts for a friend of mine, which I'm pretty psyched about. I certainly don't expect to generate any sort of future business from this venture, but it will be a way to get my design skills out there, and I'll have made a website for someone other than myself, which is important for portfolios and such. I also added pictures of my work to my Flickr site and set it up so they appear in the sidebar on this page [scroll down]. Listen to me, now it's as if I can't stop thinking about my professional development. As it turns out, my current position doesn't really do much to quell my ambitions, primarily because they are entirely unrelated. While this comes as no surprise, it's a bit disappointing.

I just realized how this blog makes it seem as if I don't have much of a life… although this is true, maybe I shouldn't be advertising it. I also have a new quest, but it's a secret. I’m not as brave as CBS. Plus, I like having secrets. I may just be one of the best secret-keepers you will ever know.

2005-06-09T15:26:00.000-04:00

New Title Banner! Photoshop is fun. So is Roy.

Tattoo Removal

2005-06-03T10:39:00.000-04:00

I've decided to rename my blog. Just like when you tattoo the name of your spouse on your body, then get a divorce, and you have to either cover it up, tweak it, or laser it off so you aren't constantly reminding yourself and other people of your failed marriage. So I’m lasering "Job" and leaving "The Search" because while the job search is over, what is life if not one century-long search? We are always searching for something, whether or not we are conscious of it. Sometimes it is something tangible, like a job or a significant other or good music [see below], and sometimes it is deep and corny, like "meaning" or "ending poverty" or "finding the perfect piece of chocolate cake" [I personally know of several women who are subconsciously engaged in this search.] So what am I searching for now? Well, I am sort of passively searching for my passions. I know I want to go to grad school, but I am not sure of what area of the creative process I want to pursue. Fortunately, I've bought myself some time.

Albums...

2005-06-02T23:15:00.000-04:00

These are the albums sitting in my iTunes cart. I want them, but I can't bring myself to click the "buy" button. I need some prodding. If you've heard any of them, give me feedback.

1. Mike Doughty - Haugty Melodic or Skittish/Rockity Roll
2. Phoenix - Alphabetical
3. Herbaliser - Blow Your Headphones
4. Nightmares On Wax - Carboot Soul
5. The Decemberists - Picaresque or Her Majesty

You know how you enjoy some albums you've purchased so much that they almost become intergrated into your identity? And then there are the albums that get played a few times, and left to gather dust with your Hootie and the Blowfish and Green Day CDs from middle school? Since my middle school albums have enough company, I want to feel any new stuff I get. Most of my recent acquisitions have been through resources that do not require monetary input, but I've pretty much exhausted those for the moment. So I need a fix.

Oh, and yesterday was my birthday, so all you bastards that forgot should start feeling ashamed right now. Then go out and buy me presents [see above if you need ideas.] Atonement is required before we can be on speaking terms again.

Rolling

2005-05-27T13:38:00.000-04:00

I’ve been officially employed for one week. To be honest, the excitement of my new situation has worn off quickly. My expectations regarding the level of engagement my job would offer were minimal, so I am not surprised. However, I wonder how some people keep this job up for several years. I’m certainly not complaining, as my experiences so far have been largely enjoyable, though not especially noteworthy. In fact, the work environment is very close to my ideals, and it is clear that employees here are treated very well.

Just yesterday, I was taken out to lunch by the other members of my group within the department. The restaurant we went to was pricey and chic, the type of place I would never end up at on my own. And with the firm footing the bill, I didn’t feel guilty about eating there. We probably spend about two hours there, and nobody minded.

I could probably come and go as I please provided I was actually putting in 40 hours per week and getting all my work done… not that I have any reason for or intention to do so.
I doubt I will continue writing about my professional life in this blog, as I don’t foresee many interesting things to report. Unfortunately, the days of bizarre interview experiences are over. However, rest assured that I will find something to post every now and then, even if it does not reflect the same level of excitement (ha.)

Make A Note In Your Records

2005-05-23T23:57:00.000-04:00

"The Job Search" has become "The Job". This blog is, in essence, now defunct. Yes, I have been hired. Looks like I'm going to have to find another area of my life about which to gripe. The hedge fund extended an offer to me last Friday, and today was my first day on the job. So in a matter of days, my role within society has been completely recast, and I can now try my best to defer my membership within the yuppie class. Not to worry, far more to come on this development, but I haven't had a moment to myself all day, and I'm drained. This sudden loss of my primary obsession for the past nine months has given me post-partum depression.

Optimistic

2005-05-09T16:54:00.000-04:00

I realize I haven't posted in quite a while. To be honest there is not much to report. I've sort of been sitting on my ass, waiting for decisions. The only one I know for sure is the UES gallery. At the end of the interview, they said they were all set to bring me in at some point last week for a trial work day, and then they would make a decision based on that. I believe there were about three total candidates who had made it that far. Then, instead of calling to pick a day, they called to tell me they had decided not to bring me in at all. Translation: nope.

The hedge fund interview was certainly engaging, but equally exhausting. Bear in mind I had been running all over Manhattan for the three interview prior to this one. The interview entailed four half-hour interviews with four people from different areas of the department in which I would be working. I sat in a stuffy little room with no windows for two hours while my interviewers filtered in an out. But our discussions did not hinge on my work experience to the degree that it did during most of my other interviews. In fact, we spoke at length about my artwork, and how I would balance a full-time job with my real passion. Granted, I have faced this issue before, but I think I sounded like I knew what I was doing. Right now, they are in the process of contacting my references, which for some reason is taking an unusually long time (though I am assured this is normal for them.) So far, they have spoken with two of my four references, with good reviews coming from the references. I am led to believe that making this means good odds. I'm not sure when I will know for cartain. Outlook: positive.

The magazine interview was brief and pleasant. After making two prior trips to the offices, and meeting practically half the staff, I didn't have too many unanswered questions. I know that I came highly recommended from the other people who had interviewed me, although unfortunately, they would not ultimately be making the decisions. I also know that they are probably going to be hiring two people, so I guess that doesn't hurt my chances. I worked like crazy on thank-yous and follow-ups and whatnot, but one of the potential supervisors has been out of the office up until recently. I was told to call back early this week, so let us pray. Outlook: unknown, but I am going to be crazy pissed if they say no after all of this...

4 for Tuesday

2005-04-25T15:54:00.000-04:00

My mind is aching right now from concern and anticipation. I have this feeling that the events which will determine my fate for the next couple years are going to take place tomorrow. As I mentioned in the last post, I have interviews at both the UES gallery and the hedge fund tomorrow. I failed to state that I have to go meet with the woman who connected me with the hedge fund as well. Today's events add yet one more interview to those.

Earlier this afternoon I called my initial contact at the magazine publisher to inquire about how much progress they has made. I was told that they had just finished interviews last week (as I had previously found out) and were aiming to make a decision by the end of this week. Approximately ten minutes later, she called me back to tell me that my ears must have been burning. The reps who are getting the new assistants wanted to meet with me. Freaky huh? There are unearthly powers at work here.

So that makes for a total of four interviews tomorrow. I am incredibly worried that the timing is going to get screwed up at some point during the day and I am going to fall off schedule. Interviews are so unpredictable in terms of timing; I have spent anywhere from ten minutes to three hours interviewing. Tomorrow, I am planning to attend four meetings in under five hours. Or rather the start time of the final interview occurs less than five hours after the start of the first. [I am led to believe that the last one will take one to two hours.] Three of the four meetings are in midtown, with the unfortunate circumstance of having the one in the Upper East Side smack dab in the middle. I foresee a day in which I am literally running down the streets in my suit, cursing aloud at the subway, and greeting my contacts sweaty and out of breath. Now I think I've made a mistake running my usual lap around Prospect Park today. I will most likely go to bed early tonight, but be unable to fall asleep. Is the suspense shaking you to the core as much as it is shaking me? I'm gonna be shook all night long...

The Possibilities Remain As Such...

2005-04-22T23:46:00.000-04:00

Fortunately they have not yet lapsed into the failures and rejections to which I am accustomed. I've been subtly reminding the magazine publisher of my existence with letters. Although they had told me they would be nearer to a decision early this week, when I called, they told me they were interviewing new candidates though the week. I'm not sure whether that means they are passing on me, or if they are just looking at more people than they anticipated. I will try bugging them again next week and see if I can get any more information.

The interview at the gallery went quite well, contrary to my attitude beforehand. I did end up telling them about my former affiliation with one of their artists. Their reaction was relatively neutral; they did ask me what I thought about that experience, but certainly that little bit of information did not stand to make or break my application. At the end of the interview I was told, "As you might expect, we have a number of outstanding candidates..." which is the beginning of a rejection if I have ever heard one. However the statement continued, "of which you are certainly one." I heaved an audible sigh of relief at this point, because although I was not anticipating having much interest in this place, rejection still stings like a bitch. I received a call form them today, asking me to come in for a second interview with the owner and other staff. "Dress nice," said the man. As you might have guessed from this reminder, the gallery is of the Upper East Side persuasion. I'm not sure how much I would enjoy it, but it is a job.

I also received a call today about the hedge fund. I found out earlier that they were interested in meeting me, and today we set a date. Apparently, getting an interview with this place is a big honor, as they respond to very few applications. Although of course they end up hiring a similarly small number of the applicants they interview. I did some research on the company and I really like their attitude. I was told that they are considered a very fun place to work, and although they are an investment firm, they do not work the normal crazy I-banking hours. Further, contrary to my initial thoughts, my art background will probably not be a hindrance, as it has been for some businesses. Both this interview and the gallery interview go down on Tuesday. Watch yourselves, storm's a-brewin'.

Get this...

2005-04-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

I just got a call today from a gallery I had sent my resume to earlier this week. As many businesses do when advertising openings, this gallery did not disclose its name and used an anonymous email address so that applicants can't track them down and annoy them with phone calls. So I had no idea where I was applying until I got the call and we arranged for an interview. After I hanging up, I looked up the gallery's website. I was initially confused about the relationship between the VP (who called me) and the gallery owner because they both have the same initials, which coincidentally are the same as mine. However, the coincidences do not stop there. I looked at the list of artists that the VP represents, and one immediately jumped out at me. If you recall, one of my many part-time gigs last fall was assisting an artist, and apparently this gallery represents her. Now I'm trying to decide if when the time comes, it would be wise to mention our previous relationship. If I did bring it up, they may very well call her, and she may very well tell them that I did not seem to enjoy putting gesso on panels, (as if anyone would,) and they may take that as a bad sign. On the other hand, it is bound to surface sooner or later, so if I didn't tell them, would I be creating an inevitable awkward situation? In a perfect world, I would have a job offer by then, and could use this turn of events as an opportunity to screw with this VP's mind at the interview. This artist is not well-known at all, so I could pretend I was a huge fan, and describe the process she uses to the smallest detail, and list off names of her other assistants. That would be priceless.

Laughable

2005-04-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

Rather than delve into the misery of the worst interview ever mentioned in my prior post, I'm going to skip straight ahead to the current prospects, which are significantly more promising and significantly more appealing. Today, I had another two interviews, the first of which was another one of those introductory meetings at a staffing agency. I wasn't particularly impressed with them, but I always follow the advice about never burning bridges when it comes to job hunting.

Later in the day, I had an interview at a major magazine publisher. Although the job itself (assisting in advertising sales) and the magazine (a celebrity-focused publication) do not immediately lend themselves to my career goals, it's definitely a step in the right direction and a foot in the door, and all those podiatric analogies. I ended up spending 3 hours there. First I met the other assistants, then I interviewed with the Advertising Director, then I interviewed with the Associate Publisher, then I filled out applications, then I interviewed with Human Resources, and then I took a series of tests. At the end, one of the assistants gave me a couple tips and said things were looking good for me, as most of the other candidates had not made it this far. After all that, I'm going back tomorrow to meet with the head-honcho Publisher. I definitely think I will be in the running, but you can never really tell in these situations. If I ended up at this place, it would become the most hilarious twist of fate I've ever experienced. I would laugh at myself for days, and then I would look at all the attractive girls around me and smile.

On Monday I have an interview for a job that actually sounds close to my interests. The position is an Editorial Assistant at a small book publisher that produces books about architecture and design, and obviously I would be a good candidate. I suppose I don't know much about the job or the company, but they are located in Chelsea, which is a good sign as far as formality and "corporateness" go.

Lastly, I was contacted by a recruiter who spoke with me about working for a hedge fund. Apparently this firm likes to hire top liberal arts school graduates with good grades for assistant positions, and does not mind that many of them have entirely unrelated interests or if they wear jeans to work. I fit that description quite well, so while I don't have an interview yet, it is a distinct possibility. I would probably make a hell of a lot more money with that gig than any of the others for which I've interviewed. This is also quite amusing becuase I have not a damn clue as to what a hedge fund is.

Let's Google "hedge fund."

From Magnum.com: A hedge fund is a fund that can take both long and short positions, use arbitrage, buy and sell undervalued securities, trade options or bonds, and invest in almost any opportunity in any market where it foresees impressive gains at reduced risk.

Right. Makes sense. Wait... what? The best succinct definition I can understand compares hedge funds as opposed to mutual funds. Unfortunately, my rudimentary understanding of investing does not afford me much insight into any of the stuff. Whatever makes you rich, I guess.

Staggering Statistics

2005-04-06T23:25:00.000-04:00

I just totalled up the number of job interviews I have had the misery of experiencing in New York City. The range and diversity of businesses involved is almost as shocking as the number. Maybe I haven't set any records, but surely I must be at least a statistical anomaly. During senior year of high school, I applied to eight schools. I had an interview of some sort (informational, alumni, scholarship) at half of those. I was accepted at six of those schools, with one rejection and one waitlist. During the past several months, I have sent out my resume countless times. I have had interviews with twenty-two different businesses, some of them involving multiple visits. Of those twenty-two candidacies, I have received zero job offers. Just bad luck... or something far more sinister? [I am left-handed after all.]

There have been two more interviews not yet accounted for in the blog, but I am not in a very word mood at the moment. For now, I'll just let you know that they were both in PR, and one of them was the single worst interview I have had to date. [There's a cliffhanger for ya.]

In A Valley

2005-03-27T16:45:00.000-05:00

After a decent run of good interviews and prospects, I find myself back in one of the ruts on my bipolar sine curve life. Still no word from the those two places... It's been two weeks. Ironically, my personal relationships seem to have a lifespan of about two weeks, after which they tend to fizzle out, so it seems appropriate that I deem these prospects dead and gone. I need to get back on the resume flooding.

Last week's interviews were essentially preliminary meetings. At the art gallery, I met with a frazzled Assisstant Director who stumbled through the interview far more awkwardly than I. Bear in mind that at this point, I have had more interviews than many people go through in their entire lives, so I was bound to enter one where I was more composed than my superior. It was painfully clear that they desperately needed another person on staff. The good news with this one is that they are interviewing a very few people, and that I was the first one they called. However, provided they are still interested in me, I would have to go in for another interview with the Owner/Director. I expect that will take place later this week.

The talent agency "interview" was an interesting experience, as it is one of the first I've had that was located in the Midtown/business area. For the most part, my interest have brought me to Chelsea or Clinton, and occasionally the Upper East Side and the Flatiron District. This place, on the other hand, is smack dab in the midst of people who wear suits. I didn't really interview though. I went in, filled out an application, and took a few tests: one tested my proofreading abilities, and another tested my typing speed. I passed both, with 38 out of 40 on the former and 49 wpm on the latter, which qualified me to return. So tomorrow I am going back to meet with someone in Human Resources (not the person I would be working for if hired.) I'm not sure whether I would have to go back another time to meet my potential boss. Regardless, this is an amazing opportunity, which I really want, and I have the guy at the staffing agency backing me.

I think I have to convince myself of my desire. Sometimes I only realize my ambivalence in retropsect, and how it may have hurt me. I have the drive, but have trouble articulating it when I am asked about my career goals. I don't know why, but I never find the words, "I want this," escaping my mouth. So whether this is an actual obstacle or a figment of my imagination, I am consciously going to attack it this time around.

Butt of a Cosmic Joke

2005-03-21T22:38:00.000-05:00

I still have yet to hear back from those two main contenders. As I expected, the lame gallery (at which I answered the aspiration question incorrectly) turned me down. Both told me to expect to have heard their decisions the end of last week. I'd be truly baffled if I never heard from either. As I mentioned in the last post, I was successful in arranging for a gallery director I know to call the cool gallery on my behalf. Per his relay, here is the gist of what they told him:

Jaggd is without question the single most intelligent and well-spoken candidate to whom we had the pleasure of speaking. His resume is solid, and clearly reflects significant interest and experience in the business and making of the fine arts. In addition, his interview greatly supported his fit with our gallery. Our main concern is that the above makes him somewhat overqualified for the position, and we fear the position would not challenge him sufficiently, and he would quickly leave us, were a better opportunity to arise.

Those accustomed to my writing might expect the above to be full of sarcasm and scorn, but I swear it is written in earnest. In response to their eloquent character judgment and consideration of my background, I am flattered. In response to their qualms about overqualification, I say, "Ya gotta be f'-in kidding me!" I don't think further explanation is necessary.

Tomorrow, I am adding two more interviews to the line-up: yet another contemporary art gallery, and yet another talent agency. Fortunately, this agency does not concern itself with models, and focuses instead on people who can actually make claims to possessing talent. We are talking hundreds of really big-name clients: actors, singers/bands, and comedians. Apparently, I have to take some tests for them as well. However, in this case, the tests act as a post-pre-screening for candidates. So even though I have already been contacted for an interview, I have to pass these tests to actually be seen. This process is getting truly ridiculous.

Living On A Prayer

2005-03-13T21:23:00.000-05:00

I'll start off with a rundown of last week's interviews.

The video editing interview did not occur. It was cancelled due to a scheduling conflict, but I have no way of knowing whether that was just a way of blowing me off, or if there was a legitimate conflict. I was expecting a call to reschedule, but that never happened.
During one of the gallery interviews, I was told that my answer to one of the questions did not put me in a good position. Aside from that one questions, I performed damn well. This was the interview where they felt it necessary to test me. However, it turned out to be more than just writing. First, I had to complete a few tasks in Photoshop and Dreamweaver while the interviewer looked over my shoulder. Apparently, lots of people lie about their computer abilities on their resumes. Not I. Then I had to take a slide quiz, matching images with artists. I got maybe half, but I'm guessing that relative to other people, that is quite good. Finally, I had to write some business correspondence. All this for a job I'm probably not going to get because of the question, "What is your ultimate career goal?" Usually this isn't a right or wrong question, but in this case it was. The right answer was "Gallery Director", which is not currently my career goal. Namely because I honestly do not know what I want to do, and the answer I've been giving to that question leans more to the creative side, such as "Creative Director". So I will probably be turned down in favor of someone who is less qualified, and had the foresight to lie about their career goals.
The other gallery interview went much better. At first I was placed in an awkward situation, because the Co-director who was supposed to speak with me had lost her voice, and the other Co-director was in a meeting. So I spoke with a different employee, and afterwards suggested I wait until the other Co-director finished his meeting, which I did. Then I had a much more thorough conversation, but it seemed like they were interviewing lots of people, and I got worried. So this weekend I tracked down the gallery director from the "You're Telling Me!" post at the Armory show, and asked if he would make a call on my behalf. He agreed, and theoretically, after I speak with him in more detail this week, that will take place.
My second round interview for market research was basically a repeat of the first, except this time I met with the director of the media area. I really did my best to convince him that I would be good for the job, but I'm not entirely sure I succeeded. On the one hand, I'm not really coming from the background they are accustomed to, but on the other hand, my aspirations match up well with the job. There are many reason I would like to have this job, but quite a number of arguments against it.

This job and the gallery assistant position are polar opposites. One involves ridiculously long hours, and committing for a few years, the other has very little overtime, and no expectations beyond the standard minimum full-time commitment. One pays quite well, the other quite poorly. One is corporate, slightly old-fashioned and located on in the Upper East Side, the other is contemporary, hip and located in Chelsea. Strangely enough, I can't really decide which I would prefer. I'm leaning towards the gallery, but of course there's really no reason to debate until I get an offer. Hence, "Living on a Prayer". Hold your breaths, the answers are coming.

Back in the Saddle

2005-03-04T16:04:00.000-05:00

The move was successful. I'm mostly unpacked... mostly. I dig the new digs. I barely even notice the train rumbling beneath anymore. And I'm reconnected to the IV drip that is the internet.

Things have picked up a bit on the job front, once again reaching a peak on the sine curve of activity, certain to be followed by another phase when my existence as a job-seeker ceases to be acknowledged. My mood follows suit, hence my bipolar personality. I wish the wavelength was shorter, and the amplitude lower, making me a more bearable companion, but it's not in the cards. Next week, I am scheduled for four interviews, and I'm going to show them the goods, baby. Have a look at deeeeeez... writing samples. Or something. The breakdown is as follows:

Video editing at some strange news service that has researchers pulling clips from relevant sources, and editors splicing them together, then sending them to clients who want to know about newsworthy stories in a specific field as soon as they happen. I really wanted to do editing, but this isn't what I had in mind.
Gallery Assistant positions at two contemporary art galleries. If you know about gallery operations, you know that "Gallery Assistant" roughly translates to "Bitch" in common vernacular. Such is life at entry level.
A second-round interview at the market research firm. Yup, I made it through the first round standing, though that report took a lot out of me. But if Rocky can make it to the top, I'm gonna keep fighting. I need to download the theme from Rocky to listen to on the way to the interview... Revisiting the past is such sweet sorrow. Check out the inspirational lyrics from this masterpiece of motion picture theme music.

Trying hard now/it's so hard now/trying hard now/

Getting strong now/won't be long now/getting strong now/

Gonna fly now/flying high now/gonna fly, fly, fly...

That's it. Apparently this song was written by a third-grader. Although, I have here a poem which I wrote in third grade, and I have to say it gives this song a run for its money. Without further ado, a poem written by yours truly in third grade entitled, "Brothers", copyright 1990.

Brothers are good for punching and kicking,

Brothers always need a licking,

When brothers pinch, you'll always scream,

Brothers and you can't make a team,

I do not know what brothers are for,

But I do know this, I don't want more.

I'm very proud of this one, and I think it could make a great theme song for my upcoming indie flick, which has nothing to do with siblings, but will most likely involve some punching and kicking, and perhaps some licking with a pinch thrown in as well. I think this is the most meandering end-of-blog-post tangent to date. Please do not republish my work without permission, though bear in mind that if you ask, I will definitely give it to you.

A New Life? Unlikely.

2005-02-24T18:00:00.000-05:00

So I'm currently juggling moving to a new apartment with my job search, which sounds hellish. However, I'm only somewhat busier. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on you view) the dozens of resume I sent out last week have not garnered many responses. Aside from the interview earlier this week, I have only one more scheduled, at an art gallery, next week. I was told to allow an hour and a half for the the interview process, which includes a writing test. A writing test? You're joking right? I already wrote you a nice eloquent cover letter, and I have several writing samples from press releases to academic research papers. Apparently that's not good enough, and I have to write something especially for the gallery. This sounds suspiciously familiar to my current project...

The interview at the market research firm went quite well. I definitely think I'm getting the hang of interviewing. This firm conducts research for a variety of high-profile clients, from prominent politicians, to prestigious publications. The position for which I interviewed was in magazine cover research, taking sample covers from a magazine, and setting up surveys to determine which is best and why. Pretty cool stuff actually. However, before I get to interview with the director, I have to write a report on some data from a sample survey. I was handed about 75 pages filled from top to bottom with columns of data, taken from a fast food survey about "Brand X", though it take about 30 seconds to figure out who Brand X is. Now, I'm working on this report, which is a huge pain in the ass considering all this is just part of the interview process. I'm not sure if they are just trying to weed out the people who wouldn't even bother with the numbers, or if they are legitimately expecting a conclusive report. Bear in mind I've never written one of these, and it's terribly dense stuff. Then I got to thinking that these places are just listing fictitious jobs, and getting applicants to unwittingly work for no pay. If I ever found out this was the case, these places might find some rotting fish in their ventilation systems a few months from now. But if they are just trying to scare me away with this report, it ain't gon' work, 'cause I ain't skeered o' nuffin.

Another Approach

2005-02-16T18:08:00.000-05:00

I just got back from an interview at a recruiting agency. I'm not sure why, but I was incredibly wary going into the interview. Recruiters have a bad reputation, although I don't understand the reasoning behind this. My best guess is that many "staffing agencies" just provide temps for big corporations, with no possibilities for career advancement. This agency seems like more of the headhunter variety of recruiter, which is better. I interviewed with two people, neither of whom will actually be making the hiring decision, because they are just client representatives. Then I took a computer exam which tested my skills in MS Office, except it was really bad software which only allows things to be done one way, and marks you wrong if you do it differently. [e.g. it asked me to save the document, and I hit Ctrl+s, which was wrong, the program demanded you use the File menu.] Needless to say, my performance came out average because I didn't do everything the way the computer expected.

One strange, and slightly unnerving question I was asked was, "Are you comfortable working for a woman?" Granted, the corporate world is old-fashioned, but I found this question offensive. Call me a Gen Y-er, but I just don't think it was an appropriate question. What if they asked, "Are you comfortable working for an African-American?" That would be completely un-PC, so how is the original question any different? Are they asking if I'm sexist? I assume any Equal Opportunity Employer would be expecting all of their workers to be equal opportunity employees. After an awkward pause, I mentioned that I worked under a woman for both of my recent internships. In fact, I think my being male probably reduces my chances of being hired by woman. Women might feel obligated to support their gender by hiring another woman, or there they might anticipate awkwardness if they aren't accustomed to being dominant in relationships with men. Personally, I wouldn't have given it any consideration, but I suppose its comparable to when you spot a couple with a man who is shorter than his girlfriend. Although nobody would ever object to the relationship (like they might an interracial relationship,) it does violate social norms, and can create a distinctly uncomfortable dynamic for others. What do you think?

UPDATE: Chalk up another tick mark on the expanding list of diverse occupations for which I have been considered. Tuesday's interview is at a market research firm. I never thought I would be applying for a job with "Analyst" in the title. Or "Junior" for that matter... But desperation calls for unorthodoxy.

Models Are Stupid

2005-02-08T19:38:00.000-05:00

Today was the interview at the talent management agency, which for the most part, was brief and uneventful. I was irritated by the fact that my wait to see the interviewer lasted far longer than the interview itself. My interview was scheduled for 4:00, so I showed up at 3:45, the standard 15 minutes early to show promptness and eagerness... At 4:30, I'm finally seen. The interviewer asked me approximately 2 questions, which could easily have been answered by my résumé,described the business to me in a few sentences, and then sends me on my way. He told me that everything he really needed to know was on the résumé, which of course negates the purpose of interviewing. So this whole outing would have been a complete waste of time, were it not for a hilarious scene that occurred during my wait.

I was sitting in the entryway of the office, glancing at a magazine that probably features one or several of the models managed by the agency, when a woman walks by on her way to the door. I assumed she was a model for the following reasons... She looked like a model [tall and gorgeous], she was wearing designer-type clothing, and we were in a modeling agency. The other possibility was that she worked there, but the following incident makes this very unlikely. As she crosses in front of me, and reaches the doorway, she walks full force into the door. Now this was door was not completely glass; it was a wooden door with a large glass panel, which she nearly shattered. She then turns to look at me (as I was the only person who saw this happen) and in an effort to defend her incredibly embarrassing encounter with an inanimate object, she says, "I didn't see that door there, did you?" She then hurried out before I had time to respond, leaving me with a polite smile, and a just-missed opportunity for the quip of a lifetime. [And yes, I saw the door.]

So I have no clue as to what, if anything, will come of this interview. They're just looking for an office bitch to answer phones, but there's definitely opportunity for growth. I didn't really have a chance to make much of an impression, so I made sure to send an intelligent and eager follow-up email. [Though I decided not to mention the model who smashed her face into their door, as it would likely have been perceived as an insult to their clientele.]

Mythical Male Intuition

2005-02-03T22:22:00.000-05:00

So when I said I nailed that stage manager interview, I may have been donning my rosy specs. What I should have said would be the following:

I mistakenly interpreted the successful brandishing of my creative flair as a sign that I was performing well during the interview. In fact, I was only increasing any irony that was already building when I presented myself as the perfect candidate for a job that I had no chance at landing. As previous evidence indicates, the world exists to make me suffer, thus any apparent success in interviewing is simply a tension-building pseudo-literary device to make my biography that much more laughable. I am a walking hyperbole, a modern-day harlequin.

End of Writing lesson. The moral of the story: no job for me [but at least they called...]

What have I learned from this experience? Primarily, my intuition blows. Subsequently, I am delusional. Let's explore this issue of intuition further. Going back to previous social situations, I recall my hypothesis for the limitations of [male?] intuition, myself included. As with many people, when it comes to judging relationship dynamics of third parties, I am pretty good. However, when I am one of the involved parties in a perceived dynamic, my intuition blows. I can cite many instances supporting this hypothesis, but for brevity's sake, let's just say I'm convinced.

What's next? I have an interview next week at a talent management agency. [Chalk up another tick mark on the expanding list of diverse occupations for which I have been considered.] When they first called me, they asked a few introductory questions to get an idea of my interest in the position. I made a terrible first impression, as I failed to remember which job (out of the dozens for which I had applied) we were speaking about. So I hung up after being told that they would get back to me about an interview, which I interpreted as, "We won't be getting back to you." Yet, in support of my hypothesis, my intuition in situations including me is infinitely fallible. They called back 30 seconds later to schedule an interview, leaving me befuddled as to what could have possible occurred during those 30 seconds, that could have determined whether or not they wanted to have me come in, and what had made them reach the decision to call me back. Now, my intuition tells me that anybody who wittingly chooses to work on behalf of the most psychotic people on earth [actors and models,] must be completely deranged themselves. Seeing as this is a third party intuitive judgment, I must be right, and needless to say, I would fit right in.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum. Care to challenge?

UPDATE: The law firm and the art gallery also declined my generous offer to work.

Better Suited Elsewhere

2005-01-27T18:39:00.000-05:00

My interview today was located at a dance studio, which I thought was strange, even though this business deals with dance competitions. I'm not clear on the relationship between the studio and the business, but I showed up to this surreal scene where the hallways where packed with scantily clad teen girls. The room I was told to go to was a tiny rehearsal room with mirrored walls. I showed up about 20 minutes early, and managed to beat my interviewer who was scheduled to interview a couple of women before me. That pair showed up late, so I went first. [How can one honestly expect to be hired when he shows up to his interview late?] I had applied to do sound, so the interview started out aimed at my interest and abilities in mixing and DJing. Then I found out he only needed backups for sound, which sort of irked me. As the interview progressed, my theater experience came up, and he mentioned they did need a stage manager. So then he sort of re-interviewed me for that position. I think I nailed it. I was brandishing my creative flair, and this guy was eating it up. He gave me a scenario and asked me how I would handle it. After I explained the actions I would take, he said my intuitions were right on target, and he made a note on my résumé (always a good sign.)

Although the money for this job is kinda crappy, it sounds like fun. This business basically tours dance competitions, so their team travels to random places on the weekends to put together shows. Like any theater job, there isn't much sleep, but I've done that before. I'm supposed to hear back next week...

Unless you are unemployed like me, you're probably wondering what one does with all this free time. I could be out doing all these exciting things, but as it turns out, I can't afford to do anything. I've definitely gotten better at crossword puzzles, although the ones in the Metro and amNewYork don't pose much of a challenge. I'm also improving my handstand.

"What a senseless waste of human life."

You're Telling Me!

2005-01-26T17:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I still haven't heard back from any of the interviews I had last week. I keep expecting my phone to ring, but it just sits there, all smug and shiny, mocking me with its refusal to put me in touch with all these people who are trying to hire me.

I met with another gallery owner today; our families are old friends. He tried so hard to be helpful. He gave me suggestions for job listings, looked over my resume and sample cover letter, talked to some of his assistants, and named some people to contact. What did I learn? We discovered that I was doing absolutely nothing wrong. My resume is impressive and attractively formatted. My cover letter, which at first seemed a bit lengthy, says exactly the right things in just the right amount of words. I've been consulting the proper sources for finding out about openings, and I've been making good contacts and creating a solid network of connected people. For the past several months, I have been doing nothing wrong! He also wanted to make sure I didn't end up at some tacky low-level gallery, so I should get in touch with him about any offers I get. It seems I'm a fluke who is somehow slipping through the system: a qualified candidate who for a variety of different bizarre reasons, cannot get hired.

Now I can say, without fear of being called paranoid, that the world is out to get me. Ha! My applications are getting lost in the mail. My resume was in the pile of the best applicants, but someone spilled coffee all over it, so it was simply thrown out. I was about to be hired, but then they got an applicant who spoke seven languages, could simultaneously type and make photocopies, and was childhood friends with the director. Somehow I keep managing to get myself into situations where I should be winning by a landslide, but in some ironic twist of fate, I end up a loser. I have just one concluding remark: GRRRR!

5 Days, 5 Interviews

2005-01-20T14:17:00.000-05:00

As the interviewing madness draws to a close, we pause to reflect on the people we've met and the impressions we've made. Since I'm sure you are all dying to know how things went, I shall provide a list of the places I interviewed, the position I was applying for, and my feelings towards the job and the interview.

#1 - A Youth Center in Red Hook - Video Instructor - [I mentioned this one in the last post] The big problem with this job is that it is only part-time (3 days per week/6 hours per day) Although I'm more interested in this type of work than the other jobs I've been interviewing for, I'm also the least qualified. I got the feeling they were looking for someone with some experience in instruction.

#2 - An Freelance Photographer - Assistant - This one sounded pretty cool at first. The assistant handles the day-to-day organization, but also travels with the photographer to help out on shoots. But the pay is a joke, $300 per week, and the work week is about 45 hours on paper, which does not include work on shoots the fall outside of those hours including weekends. I was asked something along the lines of "Is photography your ultimate destination in life?" and I responded with something along the lines of "I have no fuckin idea." The interview was essentially over at this point; apparently the correct answer to this question was "Yes."

#3 - A Business Conference Coordination Office - Producer - So you got the whole background story to this interview in the last post, and let me tell you the experience was no less bizarre. When I sit down with my interviewer, she tells me that she doesn't conduct a standard interview where the employer directs the discussion around the applicants experience, and how it would be applicable to the job. Instead, she tells me I am going to be given a sort of personality assessment to see if I would fit into the role well. Fast forward through about a half-hour of me struggling to bullshit my way through her ridiculous questions. Then she tells me that this was only the first in a series of interviews if I decide to pursue the position, and the next step would be a project I would have to complete. I really haven't decided whether or not to move on with the process, I don't really like the sound of the job. Oh, and apparently you aren't allowed to ask about the salary during an interview, although in every other interview, people have been very up front about the pay.

#4 - An Art Gallery - Assistant/Intern - First I spent twenty minutes actually getting to the gallery from the first floor. The elevator was broken, and when I took the stairs, the door was locked. After climbing up and down the stairs a few times trying to find someone who knew what was going on, the elevator started working. When I get inside, I'm really confused because the gallery has no signs of life whatsoever. Then the owner emerges from his office, which I hadn't noticed. During the interview I learn that he is the only person working currently, which is why he needs a full-time assistant to basically be responsible for the entire operation of the gallery. He spoke like an artist, which is really difficult to deal with during a job interview. I also had to get up and ad-lib about some of the work currently showing, pretending to "show" these drawings to an imaginary potential buyer. The strangest part of all was that this owner had trouble understanding that I would have no conflict at all simultaneously being an artist, and having to work at a gallery for other artists. The interview went pretty well, but it's another wait-and-see.

#5 - Rebecca's Law Firm - Legal Assistant - This turned out to be a series of interviews, one long introductory one with the person who does most of the initial interviewing, and then three shorter ones with various people with whom I'd be working. I don't think there's a whole lot to say here. Everyone know what a Paralegal does, and how many hours they work. The interviews were mostly of the informative bent, and everyone pretty much just wanted to make sure I would be comfortable staying late all the time. They are looking to hire someone really quickly, so I should hear back early next week.

I just wrote thank you notes to all the people I met with at the law firm, so I'm sort of sick of typing. Maybe I'll come back later with "Final Thoughts" for this episode. And now a word from our sponsor.

Progress... ish

2005-01-16T16:20:00.000-05:00

Things seem to be moving in the right direction now. With January half gone, the official application count for this month hovers somewhere around thirty. I have no idea how I managed to maintain sanity while pumping out that many bullshit cover letters. Regardless, I just had an interview, and have two more next week. However. I cannot say I'm especially excited about these opportunities. though my cover letters state differently.

Yesterday's interview was for a position teaching teens digital video and photography in Red Hook. Even though this is far from ideal in terms of hours and location, I figured I would give it a shot. I was surprised at how challenging the interview was. I was drilled by two people, and although I think I held up fairly well, I anticipate (and secretly hope) that I'm not really what they are looking for. But they told me they would probably be interested in having me come in as a "consultant" because of some of my lesson ideas and creative background.

Interview number two has a rather bizarre story behind it. I sent out an application to some random business looking for Marketing Assistants on Craiglist at about 6:02pm. I think I just copy-and-pasted a cover letter from some similar posting. At 6:08pm, my phone rings, and it's from the place I had just e-mailed. Apparently some keyword from my cover letter caught the attention of the recruiter for a different position. She suggested I was overqualified for a Marketing Assistant position, and that I would be better suited as a Producer. [How I could be overqualified for anything at this point is beyond me.] So I am thinking this is some kind of gimmick because nobody calls back five minutes later. [Do you call the girl who gave you her number right when you get home? Hell no, you wait the requisite three days, and then call. Standard operating procedure.] So I was slightly standoffish at first with the recruiter, but she knew Williams, and gave me her contact info and the job description, and told me to get back to her the next day. [Ok, so she calls me five minutes after getting my application. Now she's playing hard to get? Jeez.] I decide to call her in the afternoon, because two can play at being coy. But at noon I get an e-mail form her saying she is assuming I'm not interested because I haven't called her yet. [What do you want from me?] So I call right away and set up an interview. I am interested to see what unfolds at the interview, so stay tuned for that story on Tuesday.

Lastly, I got a call from one of the many galleries I applied to, asking me to come in for an interview. I had to pretend I knew what was going on when speaking with this gallery, because I had applied to so many, I had no clue which gallery this was (apart from the name,) and for which job I had applied. After looking this information up, the job posting is for a Gallery Assistant/Intern. From my experience, these two areas are usually kept separate. Assistants are paid; interns are not. Assistants do relatively mindless tasks; interns' tasks approach menial labor. The salary is listed as "Commensurate with Experience" but they obviously aren't going to hire someone with experience to do mindless tasks, and be forced to pay them above entry level. This means I probably couldn't afford to live on the salary for this position. So this will be another situation where I will have to wait until the interview to have my questions answered.

Don't touch that dial, the exciting conclusion to "Hire Me, Dammit!" is coming up next.

UPDATE: Another interview in the lineup. I just got a call from a Photo Studio I applied to for an Assistant position. This one goes down tomorrow morning. I have to bring in some of my work. Oh snap!

The Résumé Barrage Continues

2005-01-10T17:48:00.000-05:00

I've sent out somewhere in the range of 15-20 résumés so far this month. And it's not as if these are just random places I want to work, these are places actually looking to hire someone. If these places didn't accept applications via e-mail, I probably couldn't afford all that bond paper and ink for printing out cover letters and résumés, not to mention postage. I often wonder if someone actually looks at my résumé when I send it in. Some of these places get so many, I find it hard to imagine they look at all of them.

Other progress: I arranged to meet with the director of a big time New York gallery, who is apparently a distant relative. When I went in, it was quickly established that she had no openings herself (Where have I heard that before?) but would be willing to get in touch with some people on my behalf. I was skeptical, but then she actually took some notes about me and my interests, and wrote down a few people to call. She's definitely the caliber of person that could help me, but we'll have to wait and see what comes of it.

I also went in for the follow-up interview at the photography firm, for which I had to pester the contact several times before I was able to set up an appointment. I tried my best to seem confident and not apprehensive, but this woman talks a lot, and I figured interrupting my interviewer would probably not be a good tactic. So I sort of mentally compiled my responses to her points, and when she was about to thank me for coming in, I jumped in and gave her my views. It was more like a debate with a statement and rebuttal than an interview, but I think I did well. Regardless, she won't be conducting second interviews until the end of the month, so nothing will be solidifying there for a while.

I'm not going to do one of my usual blog-post-concluding rants because I'm feeling relatively relaxed, and doing that generally gets me agitated and depressed. So I will digress, and give you some movie advice for the ones I've seen recently. See "The Life Aquatic". Do not see "House of Flying Daggers". The former is hilarious and touching, the latter, annoyingly melodramatic and awkwardly hyper-stylized. I know you are reading this, so leave comments.

New Year, No Prospects

2005-01-04T15:05:00.000-05:00

Happy 2005. It is officially no longer the year I graduated. After my visits to various places in Massachusetts, I've returned to my depressing life. Only now it's slightly more depressing because my internship has ended, and I have more time to sit around worrying about getting a job. And I really enjoyed spending time at home, and especially with some old friends. I didn't feel so alone, but a couple days back here and it's misery. So come hang out with me.

The architecture firm that seemed so interested in me a few weeks ago has changed its mind, and is now re-listing the job as a temporary position and interviewing candidates with more administrative experience. Translation: I didn't get the job. What a surprise. So I'm going to give my second interview (which should be happening this week) everything I've got.

Honestly, I'm about to give up. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate writing these trite, transparent cover letters containing bullshit about how well qualified I am for any given position. I hate having my emotions toyed with by potential employers who want to keep me on a leash without committing. I hate prostituting myself during interviews, smiling and nodding, playing the part of the ideal candidate. And I hate these places that don't even bother to call me to say they've decided to hire someone else, leaving it up to me to call and thoroughly embarrass myself by being told I'm not good enough. It's demeaning, and I'm sick of it.

I'm also terribly irked by the people telling me they are jealous of me: jealous that I had the balls to move to a new place without assurance of employment, jealous that I decided to tackle the real world, jealous that I'm young and I can do anything I want. These are not reasons to be jealous of me, because these are the conditions that are making my life miserable right now. I can understand people who are jealous of me because I had a top-notch education, because I have a supportive family, or because I can afford to eat. Don't try to cast a positive light on these conditions which I am trying to change, just help me change them.

Retreat!

2004-12-24T11:30:00.000-05:00

In an effort to maintain my sanity, I've returned home to New England for the holidays. Unfortunately, I brought little good news with me, although the fact that I was still alive was probably enough for my parents. I randomly decided to do a second follow-up on an interview I had about 2 months ago, remembering that this employer was not planning to hire anyone until December or January. I actually heard back from the person who interviewed me, and they haven't hired anyone yet, but she said her concern with me as a candidate was that I might be too shy to handle the pressure of dealing with clients and such. Needless to say, upon hearing that the position was still available, I quickly refuted these allegations, and purported my ability to get things done, meanwhile fabricating excuses for my apparent nervousness during the interview. So I will be going in for a second interview, guns blazing, and bomb those silly ideas out of her head, or at least put on a good enough act to convince her otherwise.

After all, that's all an interview is. The interviewee becomes an actor, and he must play the role of the person that he thinks the interviewer wants to hire. So two conditions must be met for a shot at the job, the interviewee must correctly determine the ideal candidate, and he must accurately portray that character. Failure in either of these conditions generally results in a blown opportunity. I may be acting too much like myself, and not enough like the character I'm supposed to be playing. Given my academic overanalysis of job interviewing, maybe I should revisit the acting techniques I learned during freshman year of high school. It's all about Stanislavsky's method acting and emotional memory. Maybe I can conquer my subconscious desire to not be hired using these techniques.

Anyway, I still haven't heard back from the architecture firm, even though they said they would get back to me over a week ago, and as far as I know, they never contacted any of my references. When I get back in town, I'll have to give them a second follow-up as well. And I promised my little brother a shout-out on my blog, so I'll let the b-boy in me out for a second. Wanna give props to the Bambino holdin it down in the motherland this spring, ken ya dig it? To all you heathens: Merry Christmas. It means that the month of hearing those nauseating holiday songs is almost over.

And Another One...

2004-12-16T19:09:00.000-05:00

Remember that job at the ad firm that I really wanted? My intuitions were all too right, and I didn't even make it past the first interview. Ouch. Have you ever had that feeling where it seems like the entire world has singled you out, and is putting all its effort into making you miserable? I'm becoming well acquainted with it. This whole job search has made me incredibly bipolar. Every instance of a possibility sparks these flashes of hope in my mind, which makes rejection that much more painful. And anyone who knows me is aware of how poorly I deal with rejection.

I have one more job application pending. After that, it's back to square one. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. Should I greet my interviewers on my knees, my eyes beginning to flood, about to break down completely? It works for little kids, and I hover somewhere around the toddler state-of-mind. I just realized how selfish this whole affair is, but my own problems come much more readily to mind than those of others. Right, back to working on my brothers' holiday gifts.

Slap in the Face

2004-12-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

Yup, I just got one today. A slap in the face that is, not a job. I called in about the museum job... Yes, he'd gotten my follow-ups, and no, he's not hiring me. Turns out he met with someone with extensive experience in just this type of thing who can "offer him things he hadn't even thought of," or something to that extent. Plus, this person speaks Mandarin Chinese. How am I supposed to compete with unimaginable skills and Mandarin? This was an entry-level position with a low salary and a ton of work... if there are people with lots of experience applying for these jobs, what does that leave me?

I think I may be subconsiously preventing myself from being hired. On the surface, I am trying my hardest to find a job, but at my core, I don't want one. Actually, it's not that I don't want a job, but I don't want to wake up at 8, get on the subway, sit at a desk for 8 hours, and get home at 7, every day. And that's what a job is. I guess I don't understand why these job descriptions list a B.A. as a necessary qualification. One doesn't need a liberal arts education consisting of thirty-someodd classes in a variety of academic departments to sit at a desk and make spreadsheets or answer a telephone. One would think that such a "mind-expanding" experience would be counterproductive in forming an individual streamlined for spending 40 hours a week at a desk. I know, I'm just bitter and I'm ranting. But Peter Gibbons brings up an interesting point on today's work environment from an evolutionary perspective, "Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day." Okay, so he wasn't speaking in terms of evolution, but think about it that way, at least it'll give you something to talk about at dinner.

A Lucky Break, Perhaps?

2004-12-09T22:29:00.000-05:00

Still no response from the museum... I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get a straight answer, which at this point looks like it will be a resounding "no". The interview at the ad firm earlier this week went okay. I think I did a good job of convincing them that I wanted the position, but a bad job of describing how I might actually go about doing it, which makes the former accomplishment null and void. Apparently they have a large applicant pool, many of whom have experience. All I have is the fact that I went to the same college as one of the main partners. But I really want the job, much more than the other ones I've been up for, and I know I could do it well. Of course, that's what everyone who applies says. So what makes me different, maybe that I'm willing to work for less? Maybe nothing? I'll have to wait until next week to see if I get called in for a second interview.

On another job front, I emailed about a job posting I found at an architecture firm, which apparently had been sitting up there for years. Obviously that job had been filled, but I got an email back saying they were looking for someone for a different, and infinitely more boring position. So I figured, why not? I went in for an interview today, and I got the sense that they were actually willing to hire me, and without interviewing a dozen other people. They are the first place that has asked for my references, and they did it right away. The downside is the position entails a lot of crappy mind-numbing work for the first few months, straightening out the administrative mess they've created for themselves. So if one of the other places comes through with an offer, I'll have to take it. If not, um... Hello reality.

I Am Not Alone, But It Sure Feels Like It

2004-12-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

After seeing a couple former classmates over the weekend, I've discovered that I am not the only person floundering around the city, unable to actually get a job, and suffocating under his financial shortcomings. Unfortunately, even those who have previously been through this unnervingly frustrating stage of life quickly forget how depressing it is, so entwined are they within their weekday routine.

For many, what began as a job search for a specific position within a desired field, has expanded into desperation for just about any paying job. Personally, I expect I will be faced with decision in a couple months. Either I can [temporarily?] dash all my hopes of developing any sort of career here and take a job in retail (or something comparable), or I can pack up and leave, maybe staking out a place in the middle of nowhere, where I can afford rent with what a pay for a weeks worth of food here. And in my opinion, it's just not worth having such a high cost of living for such a low quality of life. I'm really not sure I was cut out for city living to begin with, I need my open space and grassy fields, and the park is just i quick fix.

I'm also not really satisfied with my current living situation. I have 3 roomates, yet I feel like I'm living alone, and I don't want to live alone. I like my roomates, they're all chill and they usually wash their dishes and we get along, but we're not especially good friends. I've been living with some of my best friends for the past several years, and I'm not ready to give it up for no reason. While I'm definitely down with Brooklyn, I'm not especially fond of Greenpoint. Not sure why... maybe because it's dirty and nobody speaks English. So provided I'm employed here in 2005, I'll probably be moving, hopefully with people I know.

Cross your fingers for my interview tomorrow.

The Unthinkable

2004-12-03T01:00:00.001-05:00

So I sent in this two page response to follow up for the museum job. I doubt the guy who interviewed me will bother to read it in its entirety. But the words are there.

In other news, I have another interview at an advertising firm, so I decided to do something I've been avoiding for years. It's hard to even type it. I bought... a suit. I guess it was inevitable. I just couldn't go into this interview in my khakis and shirt; it's a business-y place. And suits are damn expensive, so I went to Sym's and bought a cheapo, but they tailor it, so at least it should fit right. Some lady sitting waiting for her husband commented about the sweater I was wearing. She said she liked how it looked, and wanted to know where I got it so she could get one for her son. But when I had this fancy suit on? Nothing. Not that I wanted her to tell me how adorable I looked, but it made me continue to be mystified by "suits." I don't think they look especially good, they restrict your movement, they're uncomfortable, and you can't really do much with a suit in terms of fashion. Accessorize with a belt and a watch? What do I look like? A yuppie?

A Light on the Horizon

2004-12-01T01:49:00.000-05:00

I had an interview of sorts today, but I think that my follow-up will have a great deal of imapct on whether or not I get the job. It's a position at an art museum, demanding a lot of time and energy (including weekends), for low pay, and no recognition. Sounds about par for the art world. I'm supposed to send in my reaction to the collection, and come up with some ideas for programming, and all this work just to become an assistant. Let's do it.

I spent some time updating my website, so now it's flashy and has pictures. If you are morbidly curious, you can link to it through my profile. Let me know what you think.

More Frustration

2004-11-29T21:44:00.000-05:00

Last week, before I went home for Thanksgiving, I sent out a whole bunch of applications, maybe about 5 or 6. I've heard back from just one of the places, and it was only a message confirming that they got my resume. But even a confirmation is appreciated. Hell, I'll take a straight-up rejection. At least tell me that I have no chance at even getting an interview, and that way I won't hold on to the tiny glimmer of hope that I might hear back about the perfect job to which I applied.

Every once in a while, I hear back from a place that I applied to months ago. For example, I applied for some sort of video assistant position at Cooper Union back in August. Just last week, I got a bulk email saying, "Dear Candidate, Unfortunately we were unable to interview you... blah blah." I mean, I had forgotten I sent them an application. At that point, we can just pretend we don't know each other. There's no need to break up if we were never really dating, know what I mean?

Current Status

2004-11-27T01:52:00.000-05:00

I've been seriously looking in NYC for about two months. So far I've mostly been applying for positions advertised on various art/media websites. I can't say how many times I've sent my resume out, because I lost count during the first week. I've had two interviews, both at photography firms that deal with advertising. I was turned down for one of the jobs, and don't expect to hear about the other one for a while (if at all.) I'm really discouraged, and quite mystified. I've got all these computer skills, I graduated magna cum laude from the top liberal arts college in the country, I have experience in a range of fields, and being so young and poor, my salary requirements are pretty pathetic. How am I not qualified to answer phones and make photocopies? Seriously, I want to know.

First Post...

2004-11-23T21:27:00.000-05:00

I don't harbor fantasies that I have online stalkers, but if I did, they would be reading this. They might have trouble coming to terms with depth and breadth of their love for me, so I hope this blog will help them through what will no doubt be a difficult adjustment. Seeing as I don't really believe in love, their obsessions will obviously go unrequited, and we will always be at arm's length from each other. Sadly, until I'm convinced otherwise, this is how it's gotta be.